Hidden Lives
by lady-of-the-empire
Summary: As Nazi Germany gains victory and the war coming to an end, Helen Hirsh and Amon Goeth makes an important decision that will change their lives forever. Nothing will ever be the same.
1. The Dream

***Disclaimer: This story is based on the characters portrayed by Ralph Fiennes & Embeth Davidtz in the movie "Schindler's List" and is purely fiction. I do not support Nazi ideology. ***

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><p><strong>Chapter 1: The Dream<strong>

Something is chasing her down the hallway… its fast, ugly and dangerous… almost like the devil himself. Fear grips Helen and a chill runs down her spine. She tries to run faster but her legs weights her down. She's out of breath, lost and terrified.

'_Where can I go? Can anyone help me?_'

Helen tries to scream but nothing can be heard. She realizes she is all alone with the beast.

Towards the end of the hallway she makes a quick right turn and finds herself in a large bedroom with huge French doors connected to a balcony. Helen runs out to the balcony and sees nothing but darkness. As she panics she can sense the beast running towards the bedroom door.

'_It will come in any minute and rip me into pieces._'

She squeezes her eyes shut.

'_If death is my only option, I might as well kill myself rather than to be killed._'

She climbs up and stands on the ledge of the balcony. A growl is heard entering the room.

'_Forgive me Lord._'

She feels something trying to grab the hem of her skirt.

"NO HELEN! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

She jumps.

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><p>Helen's eyes snaps open. Her heart is racing so fast she can actually hear her own heart beat. Confused and disoriented, Helen starts to panic.<p>

'_Where am I?_'

All she sees is white.

'_Am I dead?_'

She squints her eyes and look sideways.

'_It's so bright in here._'

Helen realizes she's in a room. It must be morning, judging by the brightness of the sunlight flooding into the room through the window. Helen takes a closer look and sees she is lying on a metal bed with white sheets cocooning her small body. For sure this wasn't her basement room in the villa. Everything seems so clean.

Then the smell hits her, the faint scent of alcohol and medicine. As she reaches out her right hand, she sees a thin hose under a layer of beige color bandages covering the top of the hand. Her eyes follow the hose up to a large glass bottle hanging above her head.

Now she definitely knew where she was.

She's in the hospital. She wasn't dead.

Helen feels a stinging pain around her forehead. She groans and tries to move her right arm a bit higher to touch her head but stops immediately. Along with her consciousness came the sense of pain. It was waiting for her return as well. The pain starts attacking her and it's merciless. Helen screams, or so she thought, but nothing comes out of her mouth. Her throat is dried and sore too.

'_Dear Lord… please end this agony!_'

'_Please just kill me!_'

Helen waits for something to happen. Nothing. No one comes to her rescue. Silence fills her small hospital room. God was not here.

This reinforces Helen's belief that God has deserted her… just as he did with her people. God did nothing while her people were dying, tortured, shot and killed. God did not answer the Jewish people's prayer for survival. God did not grant her the freedom to escape her horrific reality. Now that she wants to die, God lets her live.

'_What do you want of me?_'

She closes her eyes in anguish. Tears start running down her cheeks. Let them flow. Nothing matters now.

'_I failed... I failed to die…_'

Nothing has changed. She still wanted to die.

Suddenly the door swings open, catching Helen by surprise. A short middle age woman in a nun's habit glides into the room with a metal tray in her hands. Her eyes meet Helen's and she shines a warm smile, something Helen hasn't seen in another human being in a long time.

'_A nun? Where am I? Am I not in the camp hospital?_'

Once again nothing makes sense.

"You are awake now! Praise the Lord, you had all of us worried so much."

The nun gently puts the metal tray down on the small bedside table. Helen can see syringes and glass bottles of liquids inside the tray. This nun is medically trained.

"I'm Sister Anna, it's so nice to meet you."

Sister Anna takes Helen's left hand and gently pats it. Helen stares at her with wide eyes. She carefully studies her face ... she doesn't look familiar and is certainly not one of the camp hospital staff.

"You are in pain aren't you?"

Helen nod slowly. Sister Anna nods back and reaches into the tray. After a shot of morphine Helen feels an immediate sense of relief. She closes her eyes and Sister Anna starts gently wiping her face with a wet towel. For a brief moment there is peace.

"You are lucky sweet child, your face was saved with just a few scratches. In a few weeks the swelling will go down and the bruises will fade away. But the rest of your body wasn't so lucky… it's truly a miracle you are still with us."

Is it a miracle?

Helen opens her eyes to find Sister Anna staring at her with a stern expression on her face.

"Promise me you will never commit such sin again… ever. Can you do that?"

In Sister Anna voice Helen feels her own mother scolding her for what she has done. Yes, it was a terrible sin. The worst act of all. Probably worst than being murdered. This stranger is truly wishing Helen well. Such wave of love is overwhelming. Helen's eyes start to well up and again her face is covered with tears. Sister Anna gives her a gentle hug and Helen quietly sobs.

"You are given a second chance to live. Don't forget this blessing."

Helen nods. As their eyes meet again Helen tries to mouth the words "thank you" to Sister Anna.

"No need to thank me child, you should really thank the man who saved your life."

Helen stares at her.

"If it wasn't for him you would have bleed to death. I still remember the day when he rushed through the doors, carrying you in his arms, blood all over him while screaming for help."

Sister Anna's face cringes in pain. Immediately Helen thinks of Herr Schindler. It must have been him. She can't remember for sure if he was visiting the Commandant that day, but only he could have arranged to send her to an upscale Catholic Hospital outside the camp. It must have shocked Herr Schindler to find her in such condition. Helen feels terrible. Her head starts spinning. She wants to sleep.

Sister Anna must have read her mind. She starts gathering her things and fixes Helen's bed.

"I need to inform Doctor Schmidt that you are awake. I will be back soon with some food. You have been unconscious for the past 2 weeks. You need to eat something."

Helen nods and slowly closes her eyes. As she falls asleep she hears Sister Anna walking out of the room. Just before she drifts into unconsciousness Helen thinks about Herr Schindler. Perhaps I am saved. He didn't abandon me. I did make it into his list.

He will come and save me. There was a reason to live now.

I will live.


	2. Meeting

***Disclaimer: This story is based on the characters portrayed by Ralph Fiennes & Embeth Davidtz in the movie "Schindler's List" and is purely fiction. I do not support Nazi ideology. ***

**This story is completely AU. Here is the story's historical background: In 1944 Nazi Germany signs a peace treaty with USSR and Great Britain. Nazi Germany gets to keep its original territories while giving up certain eastern European countries to USSR. The invasion on Great Britain fails but Nazi Germany isolates them from the rest of Europe. United States of America doesn't join WW2 as Pearl Harbor never happens. The Japanese Empire is in the brink of collapse due to the numerous resistance movements in its occupying countries. WW2 comes to an end and Nazi Germany starts restoring order.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 2: Meeting<strong>

Amon coughs a few times and tries to clear his throat. The air seems dry today. Am I coming down with a cold? He did put a lot of strain on his vocal cords lately. There were endless meetings to attend while receiving numerous phone calls in between. Work has been extremely busy since the peace treaty with Russia went through last month. Amon, like most Nazi officers, always imagined the ending of this war being followed by continuous partying. In reality he was swamped with more workload and responsibilities than before. Amon hopes he doesn't develop a fever. There was no time for it.

He walks into the reception room to find it empty. The General's secretary Frau Ziegler is absent. Amon glances at his watch. Should I wait? No, the General doesn't like people being late. I'll walk in myself. He knocks on the door.

"Enter."

Amon enters the office to find General Krüger focusing on some paper before him. He doesn't look up and keeps writing with his fountain pen. Amon briskly walks over to the desk and clicks his heels together. That's when the General looks up. He puts his pen down.

"Hail Hitler!" Amon says with a Nazi salute.

"Hail Hitler. Please sit down." General Krüger says pointing to the leather chair on the right. Amon sits and hears his body rubbing against the cool leather surface.

In an eerie way the General always reminds Amon of his uncle Hans, his father's younger brother. It had nothing to do with uncle Hans' character or personality; just some physical resemblance. Maybe it was because of the spectacles the General prefers wearing, the ones made of thin wires with round lens. It rests on the middle of his nose, a nose slightly hooked like an Italian. Amon's earliest memories of his uncle Hans was him handwriting his novels.

"I'll never use a damn typewriter. It doesn't give you time to think." He told young Amon.

"How are things?" asks General Krüger as he leans back on his chair.

Amon snaps out of his thoughts. He straightens his back and clears his throat.

"All is moving forward according to plan sir. The last train to Auschwitz will be leaving in a few days. Here are the documents you have requested."

Amon hands over a leather folder. The General opens and starts to read each page carefully. He nods in satisfaction. He reaches over for his fountain pen and signs a few documents. The General closes the folder cover and hands it back to Amon. It is done. He signed off the end of the Płaszów camp.

"I trust that you will tidy up well before leaving."

"Of course sir. I will make sure the camp is fully closed."

General Krüger nods and lights up a cigar. That was one thing uncle Hans didn't do… he rolled his own cigarette like a true artist. Smoke fills the air.

"General Frank told me the Führer wants to continue with his original plans with Poland. We've started issuing migration propaganda in Germany and Austria. In a year time the campground will be an excellent real estate venture for the government. The party does need to restore their finances, it's been in shambles for a while."

"Will all the camps in Poland be closed off?" Amon asks.

"Eventually. I think General Frank has decided to leave the bigger ones open until there's no more Jews, gypsies and criminals to terminate. We don't need them anymore. We can always get better Polish laborers for our factories. In a year or two those ethnic group will be completely liquidated from society. Isn't that grand?" the General says with a smile.

Amon nods back with a blank face.

"Those Jews are like cockroaches, you find one and that means there's many more. A strict order has come from Germany. Any individuals harboring or sympathizing them will be executed. Please inform your officers to keep an eye on such illegal activities. Maybe an award system might help. What do you think?"

"I believe that is an excellent idea sir."

"Good. Then it's settled."

The General and Amon exchange Nazi salutes. Amon walks out of the office and finds the reception room still empty. Thank God he thought. He didn't want Frau Ziegler to see his face. He sits down on one of the waiting room chairs and takes a deep breath. Events are moving fast and the situation is getting worst. He needs to come up with a plan.


	3. Phone Call

***Disclaimer: This story is based on the characters portrayed by Ralph Fiennes & Embeth Davidtz in the movie "Schindler's List" and is purely fiction. I do not support Nazi ideology. ***

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><p><strong>Chapter 3: Phone Call<strong>

Amon throws his pen to the side. He can't concentrate today. He's been trying to do so for the past hour. The papers before him seem meaningless. Words are not registering into his mind. He gets up and walks over to the bar and pours himself a glass of whiskey.

'_A drink around 10 in the morning? Please Amon, you need to take better care of your health._'

Amon suddenly hears Schindler's voice in his head. He frowns and gulps down his drink. Who is he to give me such advice on healthy living? He's the one fucking every pretty young thing he can find around the city, spending hours in bed with them if his schedule allows him. Acting like a saint was Schindler's game, something we all laugh about. Such charm can even hypnotize Jewish girls. They all seem to look at him with adoring eyes every time he walks pass them. Even Helen…

Amon nearly slams his glass down on the table. He quickly pours himself another glass. Schindler once advised him to take a gentler approach towards the Jews in his camp. He spoke about how that was true power which Amon considered bullshit. He felt more in control when he was able to shoot a bullet into a Jew's head. The look of adulation from the Jews didn't fuel his ego; it was the look of fear that made him feel superior. Having control over one's emotion wasn't as powerful as over one's life and death.

However… with Helen… he wanted to obtain something that wasn't physically available. He wanted to dominate her mind, control her heart and grasp her spirit in his hands. She was like a tricky riddle or a puzzle that took time to solve. It would have been too easy to rape or kill her. As an Arian German officer of the Third Reich Amon repeatedly told himself he would never fuck a Jewish girl. Not only was it against the law, it was against everything he believed in. Schindler's kiss to a young Jewish girl on his birthday sent him to jail but that was just a slap on the wrist. If any German was found romancing a Jew, everything will be stripped away and he or she will be out casted from the Nazi party forever. They will be labeled a "Jew Lover" and probably live a life far worst than any war criminal. An execution or death sentence might be far better.

'_Have I lost my mind?_'

No, he didn't.

The Nazi party was Amon's life and belief system since he was a teenager. He devoted his entire life to the party. His decision even created a rift between him and his father that never mended. To this day, his scholarly father still refuses to acknowledge Amon's success or accomplishments as a soldier. They haven't seen each other in years.  
>Amon sacrificed anyone and anything if it pleased the great master. Nazism was his true religion. He couldn't think of his life without it. But since the day he met Helen, Amon felt like a terrible sinner. At first it was fun to tease and terrorize her. He was like a cat playing with a mouse before the inevitable kill. But when Amon realized his emotions being aroused by Helen, he couldn't bare to witness his own weakness over a meaningless Jewish girl. She was a witch, the devil and trickster! Someone had to be punished! So Helen was to pay for Amon's sins.<p>

It became a daily ritual for them, Amon beating Helen while she endures in silence. Then the day came when Helen decided to control her own fate. It was a complete shock to Amon. He believed she had a strong desire to survive. As tiny as she was physically her inner strength was tremendous. It was what kept her alive from the daily abuse from Amon. Even _he_ wasn't able to kill her. She repeatedly came back up from the brink of death, over and over again. This time she decided not to. This time Amon lost control.

Amon walks over to his desk and slumps into his seat. He turns his head and looks out the window of his office. The breeze coming through the window is cool and gentle… the season is changing. For a brief moment Amon is able to empty his mind of any thoughts.

The phone rings. It startles him. After 3 rings he picks up the receiver.

"Yes?"

"Amon, it's me. How are you my friend?"

"Ah … Oscar… good, good. Where are you?"

"I'm still here in Kraków, I need to take care of few things before I leave. How is everything?"

"We are starting to clear things up. The camp will be completely closed in three months."

"Paper work isn't your favorite job of the day."

"Indeed… gives me a fucking headache."

"Perhaps life in Vienna will be less stressful. Fun even."

Amon chuckles. Oscar knew fully well that his life would not be the same in Vienna. It's irritating but Amon goes along with it.

"Not as fun as before. It will be a challenge."

"Have you made arrangements?"

"Next month I'll have to travel to Vienna and learn about my new post. While I'm in the city I'll look for possible residence options."

"I see, I see."

An awkward silences set in. Amon lights up a cigarette. It's time to let Oscar know.

"She's woken up. She survived."

"Helen?"

"….Yes. The hospital called a few days ago. She will recover."

Schindler let out a huge sigh. _Jew lover_…. Amon thought. But was that comment aimed at Schindler or himself? He bites his lips.

"Thank God. I thought… perhaps she wouldn't make it."

Amon doesn't respond. Of all the grotesque sights he had witnessed throughout his life, seeing Helen's body in such manner was the worst of all. When he caused her to bleed and give her long lasting bruises that was fine. But when it was someone else, it was violent.

"What will you do with her now, Amon?"

"..."

"You must have thought of something when you decided not to hand her over to me."

"She's not for sale, Oscar."

"You are mad you know that?"

"Not as crazy as you lining up your little Jews to work in your cozy factory in Brünnlitz."

"Indeed… perhaps we are all a little mad." Schindler laughs. He's got such a good sense of humor, never gets offended. Always plays it with ease. Amon gets jealous.

"You worry about yours and leave mine alone."

"She tried to kill herself, Amon."

"I know that!" Amon yells down the receiver. Rage turns his face bright red. Amon isn't sure who he's really angry with; Helen, Oscar or himself. Oscar sighs and Amon can hear the clicking of ice and glass. Oscar was drinking too.

"When the time comes will you shoot her in the head?"

"Mind your own business, Oscar. Go back home and play with your little Jews and bitches."

"And you? Sailing away to Vienna leaving behind a stinky camp and a dead girl?"

Amon did have a plan… something he thought of since the day Helen was sent to the hospital. He didn't dare to share his idea with anyone. _Damn Oscar_. Amon puffs out a smoke. He takes a deep breath.

"She's coming to Vienna with me."

After a brief silence Amon hears a roar of laughter on the other side. Schindler laughs as if this is the best joke he has ever heard.

"That fantasy of yours. Again? Really Amon, it's…"

"She's coming to Vienna with me."

"Oh? So what will you do with her there? Parade her around Vienna with a yellow Jewish star on her chest? They will not allow a single Jew alive, let alone allowing you to have a Jewish maid. You can mess with her all you want here but not in Vienna!"

"She's not going as my maid."

Amon can feel Schindler trying to grasp what he had just said.

"What? What does that mean?"

"I said… she's not coming to Vienna as my Jewish maid."

"Then what will she be?"

Amon stares into space.


	4. Visitor

***Disclaimer: This story is based on the characters portrayed by Ralph Fiennes & Embeth Davidtz in the movie "Schindler's List" and is purely fiction. I do not support Nazi ideology. ***

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><p><strong>Chapter 4: Visitor<strong>

When she doesn't get a response after a few knocks, Sister Anna carefully turns the knob and opens the door. She looks around. Helen is not in her room. She walks over to the table to find Helen's dinner tray untouched. She sighs. Ever since that tall gentleman came to see her, Helen was in a complete shut down mode. She barely communicated and ate nothing. At first Sister Anna worried if Helen would repeat what she had done before. But Sister Anna trusted Helen. She will not do it again. Sister Anna can tell Helen was in the process of deep introspection. She needed time and space. For a while Sister Anna respected Helen's privacy. But today she made up her mind to confront Helen. If this continues Helen's health will be at risk again.

Sister Anna walks into the sunroom to find Helen sitting on her rocking chair placed at the West corner of the room. That was Helen's favorite spot. When the weather was pleasant Helen enjoyed sitting there and read. But today she sits quietly while looking out the window with empty eyes. Sister Anna walks over to her.

"My sweet child, you didn't eat dinner."

Helen looks up. She has dark circles around her eyes and looks pale. She's been lacking sleep as well.

"I'm sorry Sister… I don't feel like eating today."

Sister Anna sighs. She pulls a chair up and sits next to Helen.

"What is troubling you? Why are you distancing yourself from us?"

Helen lowers her head.

"Is there something I can do?"

Helen doesn't respond. To be honest, Helen didn't know what anyone could do for her. She herself had been trying to make sense of her reality through logical reasoning and possible conclusions. But she couldn't shake off the underlining disturbance. The feeling of disgust kept growing daily. Despite her limited life's experience of eighteen years, Helen tried desperately to come up with the wisdom to aid her decision making. But the efforts always came to a dead end. All that was left was more inner torment. Her desire to live and the will to die were battling inside her once more. She constantly questioned herself and was obsessed with finding the right answer. But nothing came out of it. She was lost.

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><p>Everything changed the day Helen got a surprise visit. It happened in the very same sunroom, in her favorite rocking chair while she was reading a Polish novel. Helen felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned to see a tall man with a grin on his face. Helen's face was soon filled with delight and astonishment.<p>

"Herr Schindler!"

"Fräulein Hirsh, how are you?"

Schindler kneeled and gave Helen a kiss on her cheek. Helen felt a huge sense of relief. She felt safe around Schindler. It was great to see a familiar face. Oscar grabbed a chair and sat across Helen. After a moment of awkward silence Helen finally spoke.

"I thought you already left."

"I had to stay behind to take care of some business. I found you just in time, didn't I?"

Helen lowered her head out of embarrassment. Oscar leaned forward and whispered in a low voice.

"Silly child… why did you do such a thing?"

"I'm so sorry."

"No need to be sorry to me. You should apologize to yourself. Why would you disrespect your own life like that?"

"…"

"Even when you were living in the villa, you never accepted defeat. You are strong to the very core of your existence my dear. I always admired your courage and strength. So you can imagine how shocking it was for me when I got the news of your plight."

Helen stayed quiet. It took a while until she spoke again.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for all the troubles I've caused."

Oscar reached out and took Helen's hands into his. He squeezed it tight.

"You have endured so much Helen. But there's still more to be dealt with. You need to be stronger than ever before. Do you understand?"

Helen felt like a little schoolgirl who disappointed her father with her immaturity. She looked up at Oscar with a faint smile on her face.

"Thank you Herr Schindler. I owe you so much. I don't know how I will ever repay you for saving my life."

Oscar blinked his eyes. His look of puzzlement equally confused Helen.

"What?"

"It was you who took me out of the camp and transported me to this hospital, correct?"

Oscar leaned back away from Helen. This reaction scared Helen. The longer his hesitation got, the more nervous Helen became.

"Oh no my dear… oh God…no…"

Oscar shook his head. Helen had no idea how she got here. Oscar realized that he became the reluctant messenger. Maybe its best that it comes from him. She may need to prepare herself. He cleared his throat and looked into Helen's dark brown eyes.

"It wasn't me Helen. I didn't bring you here."

Helen gave Oscar a blank stare.

"If it wasn't you... who was it?"

Before Schindler can respond Helen gasped. She quickly slipped her hands out of Oscar's. A look of terror and disgust flashed across her face. Her entire body shook and she started to hyperventilate. It was worst than what Oscar expected. He grabbed Helen's arms with his large hands in efforts to calm her down.

"No… no… it can't be!"

"Helen, listen to me…"

"He will kill me… the Commandant will kill me!"

"No Helen, it's not what you …"

"Please Herr Schindler take me with you to Brünnlitz! He will kill me! He won't forgive me! Please add me to your list! Please I beg you!"

"Helen, calm yourself."

"I can't go back to the villa! I can't!"

"Helen, please!"

Oscar held her in his arms tightly and Helen started to cry. Fortunately the sunroom was empty and no one was there to witness the drama. Oscar allowed Helen to cry as long and loud as she wanted. He waited until he heard her breathing coming back to normal.

"Yes, it was the Commandant. I know it sounds absurd but he saved your life."

Helen felt her stomach twist and wanted to vomit. But she didn't want to be embarrassed in front of Schindler anymore. She tried her best to hold it in. She released herself from Oscar's arms.

"Please take me with you Herr Schindler. I don't want to die."

"Helen, I'm sorry. I can't. My deal with Amon remains the same. He is not willing to give you up. In fact…he has other plans for you. He's taking you to Vienna with him."

Helen blinked and stared at Schindler. Vienna?

"Listen Helen. Things are changing dramatically around us. Orders have come from Germany to terminate all Jews and other minor ethnic groups in Poland. I don't know how long I will be able to protect the people at my factory. At this point I can't guarantee your safety either."

"How is it possible then for the Commandant to take me to Vienna? I'm a Jew."

"He's planning on creating a fake passport and identification for you. I actually gave him my black market contacts not too long ago."

Amon the savior? The ridiculousness of such thought! In her mind this was just to prolong her execution and the continuation of the Commandant's sick game. In Vienna nobody will care what happened inside the four walls and Helen will have no visitor like Schindler to check on her. Helen can expect even worst treatments from Amon… even rape. She could be locked in a hidden room, be his secret prisoner or be gone one day without a trace.

"Remember what I told you when we first met? He won't kill you. Ever."

"I will be alone with him in a foreign city. He can kill me anytime. He may… even… he's only taking me as his punching bag."

"No my dear, life in Vienna won't be the same as it is here in Płaszów. There are too many eyes. Can't you understand what Amon is trying to do? He's trying to save you."

Helen looked into Oscar's firm eyes.

"Helen… I don't think Amon is trying to take you just for his own amusement. It's too much of a risk. This may never make sense but in his own way he's trying to save your life."

"Save me? Save _me_, a Polish Jew? I'm sorry Herr Schindler but that is the furthest from the truth. This is not an act of kindness."

"I know it's quite unbelievable. It took me a while to absorb it myself. But listen to me carefully. When the time is right Amon will come for you. When he offers you to come to Vienna with him, I want you to take it."

"You are expecting me to make a deal with the devil!"

"It's not a submission. You're given a choice and I want you to choose to live."

"How can it be a choice when there is none to begin with?"

"If you think by choosing to take Amon's offer is a sign of weakness, it's not. You have already proven your strength Helen, though not in the manner I agree with. Didn't you try to take charge of your fate that day?"

Helen stared at her hands on her lap. She did. It was her act of defiance. It was also an act of despair.

"There is no point of survival for me anymore. I've lost everything… my family, country, people… I died that day with Ela. Life in agony with no hope is no way to live."

Oscar lowered his head. Helen covered her mouth with her right hand. Tears ran down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry about what happened to your sister. I truly am."

Helen leaned back on her chair and closed her eyes. The memories were too painful. Oscar felt he pushed her too much. Helen should be focusing on the future. There was no time to reminisce on the past. Those who remained must find a way to survive.

"Helen, we don't have much time, so please listen to me. Do whatever you can do to survive. Even if it's relying on Amon. Please don't give up."

Helen doesn't respond. Her eyes remain closed but Schindler knew she was listening.

"I'm not a religious man but I do think life itself is precious. You are still with us. Please continue to stay. Amon is… the unlikely person to get help from. But I want you to know that he's taking a risk himself. Do put that into consideration."

Oscar walked over to Helen and cupped her face into his hands. The touch surprised Helen and she opened her eyes to meet Oscar's. In a low stern voice Oscar firmly told Helen something she never forgot.

"Live Helen. Live."


	5. Leaving the hospital

*** Thank you to all my readers! "Hidden Lives" will not only focus on Amon and Helen's complicated relationship, but will also examine the depths of human strength and the purpose of living. Through Amon I want to investigate how the madness of war affected the human psyche. Can the ending of the war repair the dismantled morality? How will the restoration of society reconstruct Amon's character? I personally have always wondered if a person was born evil or made evil. In this story we will investigate what resulted in Amon becoming a monster. As for Helen, her suicide attempt does change the dynamic between her and Amon. Something shifts within her as such experience can make a huge impact on one's life. Helen is still in the process of becoming a woman, creating her own belief system. We will see her growth in post-war Nazi Europe, her own metamorphosis and the journey to survive. **

***Disclaimer: This story is based on the characters portrayed by Ralph Fiennes & Embeth Davidtz in the movie "Schindler's List" and is purely fiction. I do not support Nazi ideology. ***

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><p><strong>Chapter 5: <strong>**Leaving the hospital**

Helen sees her reflection in the mirror. She turns her head sideways and checks to see if any hair is out of place. With her right hand she smooth out the surface of the jacket. Despite its simplistic design, Helen has never worn a skirt suit in such fine quality before. Sister Anna was able to find a couple of clothes and shoes from the donation center, perhaps given by wealthy German ladies. The rest is packed in a small suitcase. Helen wears a matching jacket and knee length A-line skirt in dark navy blue. Inside the jacket she wears a long sleeve white blouse. It's odd not to wear the yellow Jewish badge on her chest. She didn't wear one in the villa either. But Amon made her never forget who she was.

'_Today is not the day for weakness._'

Helen wears her new clothes like a piece of armor. She wants to look her best and perhaps exude confidence … if that is ever possible in front of the Commandant. Although she has been preparing herself mentally all day, Helen is still nervous. She sees herself trembling in the mirror. She holds her hands together and tries to control her shakes. After a few seconds, she's able to calm down and stand still. Then she hears a knock on the door.

"Come in."

Sister Anna's head peeks into the room. She smiles but Helen can see the sadness in Sister Anna's eyes. Helen feels exactly the same.

"It's 8:45 p.m. We should be heading downstairs."

Helen nods. She reaches for her gloves on the table and grabs the suitcase. The two walk down the quiet corridors of the hospital. All they hear is the echoing of their heels clicking against the floor. Most of the patients are asleep early and they walk pass a few night shift staffs. When they reach the lobby, Helen sees bright automobile headlights through the glass panels of the entrance door. Just before they step out, Helen turns to face Sister Anna. It's time to say good-bye.

"Thank you… for everything."

"Take good care of yourself. I'll pray for you every night."

Sister Anna slowly takes something out of her pocket. She hands over a tiny bundle wrapped in a handkerchief. Helen puts the suitcase down and accepts her gift. She carefully opens it to find a wooden rosary.

"I know you are not Catholic. But it doesn't matter what the object is. I hope this rosary will always remind you how much God loves you."

Helen bites her lips in efforts not to cry. She was now stepping out of Sister Anna's aura of love that kept her safe. Soon she will be on her own.

"Sister, can I ask you a question?"

"Anything child."

"What do you do when evil offers a helping hand?"

"There is always room for deception. Deception will be followed by temptation. That is where one must be careful."

"What about the temptation to live?"

"The will to live isn't a temptation, it's human nature. It's a respect towards the Lord who has given us life."

"What if the devil gave you the chance to live?"

"Life itself is a pure gift from the heavens. The devil will offer death, not life."

Helen falls silent. Sister Anna gives her a quick hug and guides her out the door. The night is slightly chilly and pitch dark. A young chauffer gets out of the black Mercedes and takes Helen's suitcase. While he places it in the trunk Helen gets into the car. She looks out the window to see Sister Anna gently waving at her. As Helen waves back, the car drives off.

* * *

><p>An hour later the Mercedes pulls in front of the "Hotel Czarny Łabędź (Black Swan)" one of the largest hotels in the city. Helen looks up at the grand facade of the building as it glows in the darkness. Such a refined establishment is the most unlikely place to welcome a Jewish girl such as herself. And this is where she will confront the Commandant. It's been months since she saw him but it wasn't difficult for Helen to recall the murderous vibration he gave off whenever he was near. She shudders at the thought.<br>The back passenger door opens and the chauffer looks in.

"Please follow me. I will escort you to your room."

It's late in the evening but the hotel is bursting with energy. The enormous lobby is filled with numerous travelers and partiers. The chauffer leads the way while carrying the suitcase and Helen quietly follows behind. She can hear loud music from a distance. Perhaps there's a party going on in the main ballroom. None of the splendor of the interior interests Helen. Her focus is on the people. She shifts her eyes from side to side. She worries that someone might recognize her, perhaps one of the guests who came to the villa. Suddenly a group of men in black SS uniform and women wearing elegant satin dresses sashay towards her. Helen lowers her head and continues to walk. The group bursts into laughter over something. They all seem intoxicated. A young blonde woman drenched in perfume wobbles pass Helen. In its brief moment Helen manages to catch her comment.

"Dirty Poles! They should all be sent to the camp!"

Helen feels sick in the stomach but holds it in. The chauffer leads her up the grand staircase towards the second floor. They walk down the hallway decorated all in burgundy. They stop in front of room 213. The chauffer pulls a key from his pocket and unlocks the door. Helen follows him into a large room. The chauffer puts the suitcase down near the door, gives her a bow and leaves. After she hears the door close with a click, Helen carefully observes the dim lit room. Near the entrance are two armchairs facing each other with a coffee table in between. Helen sees a white door on the right side of the room and assumes it leads to the bathroom. On the same wall near the window is a writing desk along with a matching swivel chair. On the left side of the room stands a double size mahogany bed.

Helen feels dizzy and her stomach continues to irritate her. As she takes off her gloves, she walks over to the armchair on the right and sits down. The chair is surprisingly comfortable. Helen sinks her body deep into the chair and leans her head back.

'_How did I end up here?_'

Initially when Helen heard she was to be taken to the Hotel Czarny Łabędź, she was terrified that Amon may sexually violate her. But with the information Schindler gave her, Helen concluded the Commandant chose the place for discretion sake. She will never appear anywhere near the camp again. It's possible that Amon wrote her off officially as deceased from the suicide attempt. Helen feels like a ghost, her existence erased from the world while she continues to walk around. Was she dead or alive? It doesn't matter, she thought. Nothing has changed… it's the same as before. She is alive but not living. Helen wonders if there is anyone like her remaining somewhere in the city. But it's highly doubtful. Nowadays even the most average Polish citizens with the tiniest suspicion is reported, followed by the arrival of the SS officers at their doorstep. Helen once heard about Hitler's original plan of cleansing the entire Polish nation and fill it with Germans in a decade period. No one was safe anymore.

Suddenly Helen hears someone coming down the hallway. It's the sound of heavy boots; similar to the ones she always heard during her days in the villa. She bolts right up from the armchair. The footstep stops in front of the door. Helen squeezes the gloves in her hands while glaring at the doorknob. Her heart races as she hears a key being inserted into the lock. She hears a click. The knob turns and the door opens.


	6. Helen's Choice

***Disclaimer: This story is based on the characters portrayed by Ralph Fiennes & Embeth Davidtz in the movie "Schindler's List" and is purely fiction. I do not support Nazi ideology. ***

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 6: <strong>**Helen's Choice**

Amon swiftly enters the room and shuts the door. He turns to find Helen standing just a few feet away from him. They haven't seen each other in months. Their eyes lock in a silent gaze; his look of surprise verses her look of fear. At first, Amon doesn't recognize its Helen. He isn't used to seeing her in civilian clothes. To be exact, he is used to seeing Helen in dull hues such as her maid uniform. The shade of navy blue adds a new dimension to her.

Amon's intense stare frightens Helen but she manages to compose herself. She stands straight and slightly lowers her head as to greet the Commandant. She fixes her eyes on the floor. Amon clears his throat. He takes off his Nazi peaked cap and walks to the armchair across Helen's. Helen turns her body towards his direction. Amon sits down and places the cap on the coffee table. A chilly silence continues. Seeing Helen brings unexplainable rush of emotions within Amon; elation and malice crudely intertwined together. He doesn't know whether to greet her or to slap her. He decides to stick to his original plans for tonight.

"Helen, please sit down," Amon says in the gentlest tone he can muster.

Hearing his voice again is disturbing to Helen, especially when spoken in a courteous manner. In the past his cordial attitude will result in her receiving the most vicious assaults. Helen doesn't let her guard down. He can swing his fists at her in any given moment … although it's unlikely in a public location such as the Hotel Czarny Łabędź. Even in the privacy of their room, causing a scene may attract other hotel patrons.  
>Helen carefully smooth out the bottom of her skirt and sits down. She places her gloves on her lap and rests her hand over them. Amon watches Helen's every move. He scans her in the dim light. Amon expects to discover traces of distress from a woman who tried to take her own life. On the contrary, Helen looks serene.<p>

"Are you feeling well? Did the hospital staff treat you accordingly?"

Helen nods.

"They have the best medical facility in the city. The hospital bill ended up being costly, but I figured it was worth every penny. Don't you agree?"

Helen nods again.

"I got daily reports from Dr. Schmidt. He told me you didn't suffer any nerve damages. The bones have mended well too. Of course he's one of the best in the field. Upon my personal request, Dr. Schmidt was appointed to be your main surgeon. I have no doubt that he took exceptional care of you."

Amon smiles and waits for Helen's response. He desires to receive the tiniest gesture of gratitude from her. But Helen remains quiet. She sits like a piece of sculpture, a mute in perfect stillness.

"It's been a troubling ordeal for me… making sure you recover well. I hope you appreciate it."

After what feels like an eternity, Helen finally gives him a slight nod.

'_That's it?_'

Amon is disappointed. As Helen's savior, he expected to be the object of her adulation. Amon isn't ignorant of the fact that Helen is scared of approaching him. But innocently enough, Amon thought rescuing her from the brink of death would produce closeness. Nothing has changed.

"You are fortunate Helen. If I didn't act as quickly as I did that day…who knows?"

Helen doesn't respond. Amon feels like a fool. Her lukewarm attitude continues to irritate him. She doesn't allow him the pleasure of being thanked. He can't mask his displeasure anymore. Amon drops the smile and his face crumbles. He wants to hurt her, as much as her suicide attempt distressed him in the past months. He leans over and talks solemnly.

"That was a stupid thing you did, Helen. Utter stupidity. Did you think it was possible for you to leave your post without my consent?"

The familiar sadistic tone… Helen hears the real Amon surfacing back. She swallows hard. Amon leans back and places his arms on the armrest.

"I am the one to decide what happens to my staff. I will not tolerate disobedience. Do you understand?" Amon says in an authoritative manner.

Helen nods as calmly as possible, trying to mask her inner fear. Amon smirks and shakes his head.

"That's how you Jews are, ungrateful pieces of…"

Amon stops himself. This wasn't part of his plans for tonight. He decides to get to the point.

"I'm sure you have been informed, the camp is completely closing in a few days. I've been offered a new post in Vienna and will be leaving tomorrow evening. Have you been to Vienna before? To Austria? It's my homeland. I haven't been back home in a long time. I'll be completely reorganizing my life, not to mention the domestic situation. Since you have proven your excellent skills, I've decided to offer you a new job opportunity. You can continue to work as my maid in Vienna."

'_Thank God Herr Schindler has prepared me for this moment…_' Helen thinks to herself.

"It will be quite a transition for you, but I'm sure you will fall in love with the city. I consider Vienna far cultured and glamorous compare to anywhere in Poland. Vienna will dazzle you, Helen. It's an exciting place for a young girl to live in. You will experience greatness that this country of yours can never offer."

In Helen's ears everything that comes out of Amon's mouth sounds absurd. His sweet talks always lead to trouble. Helen didn't trust him, but she trusts Herr Schindler and Sister Anna. She promised them she would find a way to survive, even if it is to shake hands with the devil himself. They are the reason why she is here tonight… in front of the Commandant, the monster who shot her people for pleasure.

"So what do you say Helen? Will you come to Vienna with me?"

'_Forgive me father, Ela… everyone… forgive me…_' Helen pleads inside her heart.

A long silence lingers in the air. Amon thinks about using his last card, to threaten Helen with the option of boarding the last train to Auschwitz from Krakow. Ironically that train was leaving tomorrow as well.

"If you are not satisfied with the offer …"

"Yes…" answers Helen.

"…What?"

'_Did I hear her correctly?_'

Helen thinks Amon knows her answer but is requesting a confirmation. She takes a deep breath and slowly lifts her eyes and meet Amon's. This startles him. Helen carefully delivers her words.

"I will take the employment opportunity in Vienna."

Amon's eyes widen. It was the answer he wished to hear. But it doesn't satisfy him as he imagined it would. He narrows his eyes and examines Helen's face carefully with suspicion. Something is different about her. But he fails to pinpoint it. She couldn't be complying this easily. But all he sees is Helen's usual emotionless expression with a hint of sadness. Is she mocking me? Amon has the sudden urge to jump up from his chair to confront her. But he manages to restrain himself.

'_Not now_. _Not tonight and certainly not here._'

He didn't want to cause a scene. Helen casts her eyes down again and breaks their shared gaze. Amon shifts in his chair. He tries to play the situation with ease.

"Good. You are making a wise decision Helen. Finally you are doing something smart."

Amon nods with a smirk on his face. Helen remains seated quietly. He gets up and reaches for his cap on the table. Helen slowly gets up from her chair as well, her eyes still cast down.

"You will be picked up at 5 p.m. tomorrow. Stay in this room and don't leave. I've requested room services so you will eat your meals here."

He looks at Helen for a bit then briskly walks towards the door. Helen remains planted where she is as Amon leaves, closing the door behind him. She hears his heavy boots walking down the hallway. When the sound fades, Helen quickly rushes into the bathroom and slams the door. She lifts the toilet seat and starts to vomit.

* * *

><p>Amon slides into the driver's seat and starts the engine. Tonight he drove himself to the hotel alone. As he drives back to the villa, Amon lights up a cigarette and opens the window. The night air is crisp and it feels good on his skin. Amon puffs out smoke and lets out a huge sigh.<br>It was quite a surprise that Helen took his offer without much hesitation. It puzzles Amon and he tries to figure out why._ Does it matter?_ He was glad. He wasn't really considering sending Helen to Auschwitz if she declined. He was planning to shoot her himself, perhaps in the forest behind the villa. If anyone was to kill Helen, it will be him. No one else. Not even Helen herself. She was his property. He will decide what happens to her.


	7. Departure

***Timeline: On January 1944, Germany signs a peace treaty with Russia. The order to liquidate the majority of prison camps in Poland is announced in February. That same month Schindler submits his workers list to Amon and Helen attempts suicide. By early May, Helen is released from the hospital and travels to Vienna with Amon.**

***In this story Amon Goeth is a bachelor and he's never been married. **

***Disclaimer: This story is based on the characters portrayed by Ralph Fiennes & Embeth Davidtz in the movie "Schindler's List" and is purely fiction. I do not support Nazi ideology. ***

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 7: Departure<strong>

Amon stands before the office desk, performing a last minute check on his black briefcase. After careful inspection, he closes and locks it. He is finally done with packing. His other travel suitcases are already placed in the trunk of the limousine by the chauffer, who is waiting for him outside. Amon lifts the briefcase off the desk with his right hand and tests its weight. It's heavier than expected, but he doesn't mind. Hidden inside among papers, passports and stationaries are several small gold bars. During his post as the Płaszów concentration camp's Commandant, Amon had illegally, by Nazi party standards, accumulated wealth through stolen goods from the Jewish prisoners. So far he has succeeded in keeping his finances a secret. If caught, he can be court marshaled.

In recent months Amon also made additional income through his business transaction with Schindler. He decided early on to ignore what Oscar's true intention of purchasing those Jews could be… the same way he requested Oscar to ignore his intention of keeping Helen. Although Amon ridiculed Oscar's decision of purchasing those useless Jews to work in Brünnlitz, he realized he was no different from Oscar. Amon continues to make excuses in his head, the biggest one being that he needs Helen for her domestic abilities. But deep inside he has more malevolent reasons. He has unfinished business with her. He will not accept the fact that Helen has the power to slip out of his hands.

'_That will never happen again._'

It is ironic that he used a significant amount of the stolen money in preparing for Helen's false documentations. Oscar gave him an excellent contact for such operation, which made Amon wonder what other sleazy business deals Oscar got involved in the past. If they ever meet again, Amon will try to learn Oscar's hidden tricks. For now, they must go their separate ways.

Amon has mix feelings about leaving Poland and returning to Austria. On one hand, the timing is great. He is done managing a filthy camp cramped with useless creatures. He is exhausted and wants to return home. Last week General Krüger informed Amon that he would soon be nominated for a promotion. If all goes well, he will be promoted to SS-_Sturmbannführer (equivalent to major_) for his efforts, making him the youngest at the age of 32. There is a promising future back in Vienna. Nothing is keeping Amon here anymore and he's ready to move on.

As for his girlfriend Ruth, their spark started dimming as soon as the victory of Germany was declared. Their affair was motivated by the frenzy of the war. Their sex life filled the inner anxiety caused from the ripples of the chaos that surrounded them. When everything calmed down, so did the passion. At first, Ruth secretly wished Amon might invite her to move to Vienna with him. Perhaps propose marriage. After all, Amon is an old bachelor and Ruth innocently thought she could be the_ one_ to become Frau Goeth. But in the last months, his mind seemed to be preoccupied elsewhere and he didn't share anything with Ruth. As days went by with the camp closing and his transfer being finalized, she knew her time with Amon was up. She wasn't invited to the villa anymore and Amon rarely called. She finally concluded that their relationship was no more than a pretty Polish girl and a German officer's fling away from home. They were done satisfying each other's needs. The relationship faded and ended unceremoniously. Ruth didn't even bother to pick her belongings left at the villa. Later she moved back to her hometown of Breslau.

On the other hand, Amon isn't completely thrilled over the idea of going back home. He left behind a lot of emotional baggage, most of them unresolved. He will delay confronting them as long as he could. The one person he can't ignore forever is his father. The news of his return will trigger his stepmother Liesle to invite him over for a reunion. Neither Amon nor his father will be pleased with her efforts.

* * *

><p>The phone in his office rings sharply. Amon checks his watch. It's the call he's been expecting. He picks up the receiver. On the other line is the young chauffer he hired for Helen.<p>

"Herr Goeth, I am at the hotel lobby and she's with me. She's in good condition. I will take her to the train station and straight to her seat."

"Good, well done."

He puts down the receiver with a grin on his face. Amon doesn't trust Helen yet. He had her under surveillance without her knowing since she had been admitted to the hospital. Amon has his reasons. The logical one is to make sure she didn't try running away or attempt suicide again. The other is to satisfy his need to know her every move. _Obsessive? _Perhaps. Amon knew about Schindler's visit as well, though not the content of the conversation they shared. Amon considers Schindler a fine chum, but sharing Helen with Oscar makes him uneasy. He admits he's extremely jealous of Schindler.

Amon picks up his briefcase and leaves the office. His heavy footsteps echo throughout the empty villa. Just as he reaches the front door, Amon suddenly stops. There is one thing he wants to do before leaving. He carefully places his briefcase on the entryway bench, turns around and walks down the hallway.  
>Soon Amon finds himself on the top of the basement staircase. He switches the light on. After a brief hesitation, he makes his way down the stairs. The basement is cleared and completely empty. Amon stands in the middle of the room, observing the area. Not a single trace of Helen can be found… her flimsy furniture, her clothes hanging on a clothesline… but most of all, her scent. The last time Amon came down here was to see Helen on that one hot summer night. He wasn't able to resist his sexual urges and the immense attraction he had for her. What started out as a heart felt confession, ended up pushing the object of his affection even further away from him…it was a grotesque scene. Amon bites his lips. He detests witnessing his own temper spinning out of control. It reminds Amon that he <em>is<em> his father's son. But Helen is still beside him, willingly or not. Amon takes a deep breath. He turns around and marches up the stairs. As he leaves he switches the light off. He walks towards the front door and picks up his briefcase from the bench. He turns the knob and leaves the villa for the last time.

* * *

><p>Helen sits alone in the private train carriage. Soon the Commandant will join her. She tries to relish this brief moment of privacy. Amon didn't elaborate on their upcoming living arrangements but it's predictable that such privet moments may never be available to her.<p>

Helen lets out a huge sigh and leans her forehead against the cold surface of the window. She watches the bustling river of travelers outside; an elderly gentleman with a luggage at his feet reading the newspaper, a young couple saying good-bye with a kiss, children running around while laughing in excitement. The whole setting seems surreal to Helen. She feels terribly misplaced. She didn't belong with these joyful people who are anticipating their future. She should be on the other side of the city in another train station, where the remainder of the camp prisoners is to be taken to Auschwitz tonight. Here she sits in a comfortably cushioned seat while others are cramped like cattle… taken to their final destination to the butcher. Helen squeezes her eyes shut.

'_Is my situation any differ from them?_'

Helen thinks about the absurdity of her destiny. Everything is still hard to comprehend. But when she made her decision last night in front of the Commandant, Helen agreed with herself to take life one day at a time… or she may end up insane. Her choice will have its consequences and Helen is fully aware of it.  
>It isn't death she fears. She attempted suicide after all. What Helen truly fears is Amon taking control over her life. His unexplainable obsession with her is disturbing. His infatuation towards her is so great that he decides to take her into the heart of a Nazi nation.<p>

'_He IS truly mad._'

The Commandant's madness is frightening. After hearing Herr Schindler's explanation, Helen feels Amon could be leading himself to his own demise by dragging a Jewish girl back to Vienna. Helen doesn't rule out the possibility of her becoming the outlet for his pent up killer appetite. In Vienna, he will be deprived of prisoners to shoot and she will be there to satisfy his daily needs.

'_… Can there be other reasons….such as kindness…'_

Helen shakes her head and quickly brushes off the thought. It's better to predict her future based on the Commandant's past behaviors … there is no room to hope for the impossible. She looks out the window again and tries to think of something else.  
>Helen spent her entire life in Kraków. She had a few relatives scattered around Poland whom she occasionally met for major family events, such as cousin Miriam's wedding that took place before the war. But she never crossed the boarder to another country. Her father once promised his children a trip to Prague where he spent a brief time during his youth. Helen remembers giggling with Ela as they fantasized their trip to Prague, touring the beautiful city dressed in finery. Those were the days when a girl was able to daydream. Never in a million years did Helen imagine her first foreign trip to be like <em>this<em>. The days of innocence are dead. Helen thought she grew up fast with the death of her parent, the beginning of the war and by entering the camp. By far, this is the moment where she has truly entered adulthood.

Suddenly the trains whistle blows and Helen awakes from her thoughts.  
>It's time to leave.<p> 


	8. New Identities

***Disclaimer: This story is based on the characters portrayed by Ralph Fiennes & Embeth Davidtz in the movie "Schindler's List" and is purely fiction. I do not support Nazi ideology. ***

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 8: New Identities<strong>

Helen brushes back the lose strand of hair from her face and tucks it behind the ear. There's still more cleaning to do, but the hair situation continues to annoy her. She thinks about getting an extra pin to hold it in place. Helen stops mopping and gently leans the mop rod against the wall. A sweat bead runs down the side of her cheek. She wipes it with the back of her hand. Despite opening all the French doors in the room, the temperature keeps heating up. It is, after all, in the middle of July. Helen observes the lace curtains softly dancing with the warm breeze, creating a shimmering shadow on the freshly mopped floor against the afternoon sunlight. She feels another sweat bead trickling down, this time under the blouse, between her breasts.

'_I need a break anyway_.'

Helen walks out of the drawing room, passing the dining room where she just finished cleaning an hour before and enters the kitchen. She opens the cabinet, takes out a glass cup and fills it with tap water. She gulps it down quickly. The thirst dissolves, but the heat on her skin still lingers. Helen unbuttons her blouse as she walks over to the icebox. She takes out the ice tray and breaks out a few cubes. They bring stinging pain to her palms, but soon the chilling sensation runs through Helen's body. She takes a cube and circles it around her bare chest. Helen enjoys it with pleasure, closing her eyes and breathing in deeply.

Suddenly the piercing sound of siren fills the air. Helen jumps, dropping all the ice cubes on the floor. She hears an automobile driven towards her building with its siren ringing in full blast. Helen stands paralyzed, water dripping from her hands while the sound deafens her ears. The siren travels pass the kitchen window and drifts away down the street. When silence settles, Helen lets out a huge sigh. Overcome with dizziness, she walks over to the small wooden table in the middle of the room. She slumps into a chair and cradles her lowered head in her hands.

'_That sound! That bloody sound!_'

Helen can feel the ends of her fingers slightly trembling. The sirens not only triggers horrific visual memories from the ghetto days… Helen anticipates the front door opening with a group of Gestapo storming in and dragging her out by the hair.

It's been a couple months since Helen moved to Vienna with the Commandant, but she still fears taking the simplest outing around the neighborhood. She developed a mild case of agoraphobia, which she is fully aware of. Helen also acknowledges the irony of the situation… how she ended up feeling safer inside the apartment with Amon rather than to face the entire Nazi crazed nation on the other side of the door.

For the first few weeks after moving to Vienna, cleaning and organizing the new residence filled Helen's days. She barely had time to step out, plus weekly delivery of foods and other household supplies were scheduled from the local market. But one morning, Amon requested a special roasted pork dish for dinner and the ingredients wasn't previously ordered from the butcher's shop. Without thinking much, Helen decided to visit the delicatessen, located just a few blocks away. She even practiced her German, pleasantry comments and the proper words to use during ordering.  
>It was Helen's misfortune to choose the worst day to venture out. Within minutes of walking down the pavement, she was caught in the wave of onlookers flooding the street to view the special military parade honoring the <em>Austrian Nazi Youth Group<em> for their war contribution. In seconds, Helen got trapped and immediately felt claustrophobic among the delirious crowd screaming "_Hail Hitler!_". Everywhere she turned, the grisly sight of Nazi Swastika and hysteria surrounded her. The numbers kept growing and she became overwhelmed with panic. Helen pushed through the crowd with all her might and after what seemed like an eternity, she found herself in front of the apartment building. Helen went up the stairs two at a time, opened the front door and slammed it behind her.

That evening Helen expected to be severely punished by the Commandant due to her failure. '_No use explaining my own madness…_' she thought. Back in Płaszów, he thrust her against the china cabinet for slightly burning the edge of his steak, resulting in her left arm losing senses for a couple of hours. In an odd way, Helen felt better equipped to endure the familiar physical pain rather than the mental trauma she faced outside. At the dinner table, Amon did slam his fork against the plate, gave Helen a good amount of scolding and belittlement. However to Helen's surprise, he didn't lay a finger on her. Instead, whether if he knew Helen's condition or not, Amon ordered her to prepare his original request the next evening. For Helen, it was a cruel move. The next morning, Helen psyched herself up and succeeded in traveling to and back from the delicatessen. As soon as she came home, she dropped her groceries and collapsed on the floor. She lay there motionless for an hour.

* * *

><p>Before arriving in Vienna with Helen, Amon traveled to the city and conducted a careful research to find the appropriate residential area. Their new residency needed to provide much needed privacy. Amon wanted to avoid being the subject of curiosity and speculation from the neighbors. Since Amon started working at the Ministry of Internal Affairs office as the <em>Senior Adviser of Polish Migration<em>, the administration offered him a free housing option within a chosen district, which Amon politely declined.  
>Instead he chose the second floor apartment in a late 19th century built three stories building, located in an upper-middle class area, half an hour away from his work place. On the first floor lives an old minor aristocrat German widow who splits her time visiting her multiple children scattered in various cities between Linz and Berlin. She came and stayed for only 2 months and was hardly around. The third floor is occupied by a middle age Austrian landscape architect who claimed to use the apartment as his personal "studio" to concentrate on major projects. It wasn't long until Amon realized the architect was using the apartment for sporadic rendezvous with the continuous rotation of young ladies. Both neighbor kept things to themselves.<p>

So far, the nature of Amon and Helen's relationship was never questioned and Amon maintained it that way by keeping the situation under the radar. No one was invited to his home and he never publicly announced that he had someone living with him. If anyone did recognize Helen's existence, Amon was prepared to make excuses. Plus, it wasn't rare for a German soldier to return home from an overseas post with a foreign girl. He also made a conscious decision not to hire other household staffs. He drove himself to work.

* * *

><p>If ever someone came to visit, the first thing they will see upon entering the apartment is the large cream-colored drawing room. On the center of the wall across the entrance is a grand white marble mantle fireplace carved in classic Rococo design. The remainder of the wall consists of tall oak French doors, each leading to a separate balcony. In front of the fireplace are sets of pale hue upholstered sofa and armchairs on each side. A thick high piled red Persian rug lies beneath them. The hallway on the right of the drawing room leads to Amon's office, his master bedroom and the guest room. The left hallway leads into a turquoise wallpapered dining room; with a large Spanish styled espresso dining table with matching chairs. Helen made sure its surface remained spotless everyday. A swing door on the left wall is connected to the kitchen where Helen spends most of her hours during the day.<p>

At night after the dinner plates are washed and the pots cleared away, Helen opens the small door in the corner of the kitchen and enters her room. The tiny space with a simple bed, wardrobe and a chair is where she chose to be her sanctuary. She elevates the security by sliding the lock bar attached to the bedroom door as soon as she enters.  
>When they first moved in, Helen was worried the Commandant might order her to use the guest room adjacent to his. Luckily, he said nothing. But Helen secretly did admire the guest room and would have chosen it, had it been in difference circumstances. Many of the previous owner's "style <em>Rustique Français<em>" inspired decor still remains in the room; wallpaper in light pink floral pattern, an elegant queen size bed with upholstered headboard with beige carved frames, a light grey velvet chaise, a vanilla colored chest with a matching large six-drawer vanity with a 3-sided mirror on top. It amazes Helen that these handsome furniture were not sold during the continuation of the war in exchange for money and food, which was quite common. They survived… so did Helen.

* * *

><p>Amon walks up the stairs to the apartment in slow stride. The day was long and the heat is unbearable. His uniform jacket hanging on his arm weights a ton. His new job is equally pressuring. The ending of the war came with stricter regulations and a demand for order in society. Everyone seems to be waking up from a long sleep that was caused by the haze of the war. There is wide spread rumor that Hitler was unwell, thanks to the years of experimental drugs prescribed by his personal physician Dr. Morell. Allegations such as the Führer using cocaine based eye drops raised questions of his capability as the nation's leader. There are also suggestions of Hitler suffering from Parkinson's disease. A weak leader meant a weaker nation. The Führer's inner circle kept designing new policies in order to keep a tight grip on the Third Reich, beginning with dispatching secret police to investigate their own members and officers. Like Amon, everyone has a skeleton in the closet. They had to start watching their back.<p>

Amon enters the apartment and finds Helen absent. Since their days in Płaszów, Helen is expected to greet him at the front door upon his return home. To be more accurate, for Amon to dump his day's belonging on her, such as his jacket and briefcase. She is to wait for him like a well-trained German Shepherd. But she isn't there. Amon groans with annoyance. _This bitch needs to be reeducated!_

"_Helen_!" he yells on the top of his lungs.

Soon Amon hears a chair screeching against the floor from a distance. The swing door opens in the dining room and he sees Helen running down the hallway with her dark green plaid skirt ruffling against her thin legs. It's still refreshing for Amon to see Helen in something other than the dull black maid uniform, no matter how simple her daily ensembles are. He banned her from wearing the maid uniform in Vienna as a precautionary move. Without the yellow star on her chest, Helen looks like any young girl you can encounter in the city. These are the brief moments when Amon actually _can_ forget that she's a Jew.

As Helen approaches with her arms stretched out to take his jacket, Amon's eyes widen. Unbeknownst to Helen, Amon notices a few buttons on her white blouse undone, his eyes move from her chest, trailing down to the intimate view of her cleavage. With Helen standing near, Amon can almost smell the trace of soap delicately mixed with her natural feminine musk. A sudden rush of sexual excitement rises within him. It's the same feeling Amon had that night down at the basement… Helen dripping in water, its wetness exposing her curves beneath the thin undergarment. It's also been a while since Amon had the pleasure of sharing sexual intimacy with a woman. Amon's imagination starts running wild; his hands reaching out, ripping Helen's clothes off, their bodies tangled on the floor as he devours her on the spot.

Helen notices Amon's long pause and looks up. She follows his gaze to see that he is staring at her chest. She gasps and covers the area with her hands and quickly tries to fasten the buttons. But Helen fails to grip them; the tiny buttons keep slipping off her fingertips. Amon is equally embarrassed but coolly smirks. He starts to chuckle and turns around. Helen hears Amon's chuckle developing into a wicked laughter as he walks toward his room. Soon she hears his bedroom door slam shut.

'_You stupid idiot!_' Helen curses herself.


	9. The Uninvited Past

***Disclaimer: This story is based on the characters portrayed by Ralph Fiennes & Embeth Davidtz in the movie "Schindler's List" and is purely fiction. I do not support Nazi ideology. ***

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><p><strong>Chapter 9: The uninvited past<strong>

It's Tuesday and the upscale French restaurant "_ménage à trois_" is packed with early dinner guests. Under the glittering light of the chandeliers, the waiters move busily between tables, carrying trays of French delicacy. As dusk begins to creep into the summer sky, the middle-aged manager calls up a young waiter and gives him a quick order. The waiter nods and disappears into the back room. He remerges with a tray full of lit candles in crystal holders. Slowly he starts placing one on each patron's table. The young waiter makes his way up to a table in the middle of the room, occupied by three Nazi officers smoking cigars. He gently places a candleholder on the table and leaves. Here, Amon sits with fellow _Hauptsturmführer_ Max Dietrich and their junior _Obersturmführer_ Gunter Wagner, roaring in laughter. They already consumed two bottles of red wine with their entrées, intoxicated and on high spirits. Dietrich shares his story of sexual escapades when stationed in Paris during the war. Gunter and Amon listen to him tentatively.

"I tell you, those French knows how to love," Max Dietrich says with a satisfied grin on his face.

"I was stuck in Austria all throughout the war. German girls… they can be so rigid and tiresome," Gunter Wager says.

"You should definitely venture out. Take a trip before the summer ends. I highly recommend Paris. French fuck is something you can never forget," Dietrich says with a wink.

Gunter whistles and Amon laughs. Dietrich leans forward towards Amon sitting across the table.

"How were the Poles in bed, Goeth? Did they have amazing tricks up their sleeves?" he asks inquisitively.

"I had my share of fun," Amon replies.

"Elaborate."

"Nice country girls, naïve and fascinated by German men. You can take the pleasure of teaching them a thing or two."

"A little girl to teach lessons in bed! Wagner, what will it be? A night of passion with a Parisian courtesan or whipping a Polish girl in bed, teaching her the art of sex?"

All three men laugh. Just then a waiter comes over with their main courses. The men exclaim at the sight of the beautifully presented dishes and Dietrich thanks the waiter in French. While cutting his food, Max sighs deeply and shakes his head.

"All that excitement… and look with I came back to. An old hag I call my _wife_ and three brats who don't even acknowledge me as their _father_. Five years of absents resulting in zero appreciation."

"You are lucky Goeth, remaining a bachelor. Dodged a bullet in my opinion," Gunter says with a smile.

"Goeth, why didn't you bring a girl home with you? A sweet pussy to have by your side… like a Polish souvenir?"

Amon stops cutting his food. Max and Gunter laugh and fail to notice the change in Amon's face. His throat suddenly feels awfully dry. Amon clears his throat and takes a sip of wine. Max suddenly stretches his neck out to look beyond Amon's shoulder, who has his back towards the entrance of the restaurant. Max's face brightens in delight and starts waving his hand towards the tall Nazi officer who just walked in.

"Well, well! I haven't seen this fellow in centuries. Hope you all don't mind me inviting someone to our table. Fredrick, over here!"

Amon turns his body to greet the guest. As the tall blonde Nazi officer approaches the table, Amon's face instantly darkens and crumbles in disgust. The tall man notices Amon too and stops in his tracks. Oblivious to the exchange between the two men, Dietrich gets up from his seat to greet the tall man with a hug and a handshake. He pulls him to the table and urges him to sit between himself and Gunter.

"Gentleman, may I introduce Herr Frederick Reder? He's just returned from his duties in Russia. He's luckier than a cat with nine lives."

"Good lord… God must have been on your side sir," Gunter exclaims.

"Good evening gentleman," Frederick says with a nod to Gunter and Amon.

Amon ignores Frederick and looks down at his plate. He tastes bitterness in his mouth and his vision becomes blurry. His heart is beating in such an alarming rate, Amon thinks he's going to have a heart attack. None of the conversation exchanged between Frederick and the others register in his ears. Amon curls both hands into a fist and holds them tight. Soon he breathes easier. He sits straight and composes himself.

"It's been a long time, Freddy," he finally says cutting into the group conversation like a knife.

The chatter stops and all eyes turn to Amon. He slowly lifts his head and throws Frederick and icy stare.

"…Indeed. It's been a while, Mony," Frederick replies calmly.

"You… two know each other?" Dietrich asks.

"Yes, we've known each other since we were sixteen years old. We even joined the _Heimwehr_ (_Home Guard, anti-Semitic nationalist paramilitary group_) together," Frederick explains.

"What a reunion this is! I'm ordering a bottle of champagne for you two. _Garçon_!" Dietrich calls out for their waiter.

Amon has already lost his appetite. He is in no mood for a celebration and the evening is utterly ruined beyond repair. He stubs his cigar on the ashtray, pushes his chair back and rises from his seat.

"Excuse me fellas, I should bid you all good night now. I've forgotten about an affair that needs my attention tonight."

"Ah, Amon, what's the rush? It's only 7:30 p.m.!" Dietrich groans.

Amon ignores Dietrich and Wager's protest, gives a nod of farewell and quickly walks out of the restaurant. As he walks down the street, his heart again beats in rapid pace. He stops and leans against the brick wall to collect his breath. He squints in pain.

"_Mony!_"

Amon's eyes open. He turns his head around to see Frederick walking towards his direction. As Frederick approaches closer, Amon feels his body stiffen. Their eyes lock in a cold gaze.

"I didn't know you were back in Vienna," Frederick says.

After a brief silence, Amon replies with a smug on his face.

"I hoped you would be dead by now."

Frederick bursts into laughter and shakes his head.

"Isn't that your dearest wish? Wouldn't it be pleasing for you to see me blown into pieces in the middle Stalingrad?"

"Perhaps it's too late for such pleasures," Amon says dryly.

"Perhaps so," Frederick says nodding.

Amon can't tolerate Fredrick's presences no more. A terrible headache starts pounding his head like a hammer. A tidal wave of unpleasant flashbacks starts flooding into his mind…the adrillian rush he felt climbing up the stairs to return home… the anticipation of fulfilling his sexual quench with Ingrid as he opened the bedroom door… the horror of seeing two tangled bodies in his own bed… Ingrid's ear piercing scream as Amon pulled out his pistol… Frederick jumping off the bed naked to tackle him… a single gunshot fired.

Amon decides it's best to walk away _now_ before his temper gets the best of him. As he turns to leave, Frederick takes a step forward and places his hand on Amon's right shoulder.

"Mony, listen, can we talk?"

Amon violently shakes Fredrick's hand off and looks at him venomously. His face flushes in anger and a murderous rage starts circulating through his vain. In a blink of an eye, Amon grabs Frederick by the collar, pushes him against the brick wall and pins him down.

"_You god damn son of a bitch!_ Don't _ever_, _ever_ come near me, you hear?"

Frederick breathes heavily, surprised by the sudden attack but doesn't fight back. Amon roughly lets Frederick go, almost throwing him to the side. He marches away down the street, leaving Frederick behind.

A few people stood to observe their confrontation, whispering among themselves but soon disperse. However, a young man standing in the shadows under an arched alley quietly starts following Amon. He begins to stroll with ease, fifty meters behind Amon and doesn't take his eyes off him like a prey. As the man enters Amon's neighborhood, he notices that Amon doesn't live in the usual military housing district. When Amon stops in front of his apartment building and reaches for his keys, the man quickly hides behind the nearest lamppost. He observes Amon until he disappears inside. The man waits ten minutes and then walks up to the building. He glances at the mailboxes and finds the name _Goeth_ under apartment_ 2A_. He reaches into his trouser pocket and pulls out a small note pad along with a small pen. After glancing at his watch, he writes down Amon's address and scribbles _8:15 p.m_. next to it. He nods in satisfaction and walks away.

* * *

><p>A week later, the man is back, this time sitting in a nearby café, a block away from Amon's apartment. He takes a seat near the window with the day's newspaper in front of him, but he barely reads it. His drinks his cappuccino nosily while his eyes is fixed on Amon's building. A little after 8:20 a.m., a black Mercedes glides out of the apartment's garage. The man recognizes the driver, Amon Goeth and watches the car drive off. He glances at his watch and reaches for his small note pad. A page opens to a list of Goeth's activity for the month of August so far. The man scribbles down the following on the bottom of the list.<p>

_Tuesday, August 20th, leaves home at 8:30 a.m._

The man studies the page intensely and forms a pattern of Amon's behavior in his head. It's only the beginning of his research and it will take another month or two until he gets a concrete schedule of Goeth's daily activities. He turns a page and reads the list of people associated with Goeth, so far a few Nazi colleagues at the Ministry of Internal Affairs. The man decides its time to expand his research on in people around Goeth's personal life.

The man takes a last sip of his cappuccino and leaves.


	10. Dangerous curiosities

***Disclaimer: This story is based on the characters portrayed by Ralph Fiennes & Embeth Davidtz in the movie "Schindler's List" and is purely fiction. I do not support Nazi ideology. ***

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><p><strong>Chapter 10: Dangerous curiosities<strong>

Helen tosses and turns in her bed in efforts to find a comfortable position. The summer heat is continuing late into the night. Helen lies on her back and wonders what time it is. The thought of wasting precious bedtime frustrates her. Finally she kicks off the blanket, gets up from the bed and walks out of the bedroom.  
>In the dark kitchen, Helen traces her way towards the cabinet with both hands. Just as she reaches for a cup, Helen notices dim light glowing beneath the kitchen door. Judging by its weakness, it must be coming from the drawing room. Helen worries that she left a lamp on. She quietly tiptoes her way out of the kitchen. As she reaches the entrance of the drawing room, Helen gasps and dodges behind the dining room wall. She caught a glimpse of the Commandant.<p>

'_Did he see me?_'

She stands nervously, waiting for her name to be called… but hears nothing. Helen carefully peeks into the room. He stands near the far corner of the drawing room, drinking in front of an open French door. The moonlight reflected by the whiskey glass shines a bizarre glow on the Commandant's face. He stares out into the city in deep slumber. Helen always considered him to be somewhat of an insomniac…but she doubts he's up due to the heat of the night.  
>She senses trouble and wonders what's going on with the Commandant. He's been acting strange lately…his mind seemingly preoccupied elsewhere. It's been a long time since the Commandant showed any signs of emotional outbursts, which is <em>rare <em>if you knew him as well as Helen did. Despite holding back his violent temper since moving to Vienna, Amon did occasionally throw objects across the room or yelled at Helen whenever stress affected him. But he did not touch her. Helen and Amon had an unspoken understanding that they shouldn't be attracting unnecessary attention from others while living in the city. This isn't the Płaszów camp anymore. There were too many curious eyes are ears surrounding them. Helen also assumed that the Commandant was shaken by her suicide attempt and is afraid she might do it again.

_A mouse will bite the cat when cornered_.

For the past week, the Commandant seems withdrawn and distant. Not that Helen craves for his attention. But the longer this eerie peace continues, the more it keeps Helen on her toes. Amon is like a bomb… no one knew which direction the fragments will fly off. Whatever is bothering him may one day bring him to the brink of explosion, resulting damage in catastrophic proportions. Who can guarantee it won't be tonight? Helen decides to return to her room.

As she turns to leave, Helen suddenly hears the Commandant cough. She freezes on the spot. A chill runs down her back. Helen debates whether or not to peep into the drawing room or to hurry back to her bedroom. When stillness returns, Helen's curiosity outweighs her fears. She carefully tiptoes and looks into the drawing room. Amon remains on the same spot. This time Helen examines his face and her eyes widens. Helen covers her mouth with her hand. _That_ look has resurfaced…she is amazed to see it once again. Since she first witnessed _that_ look, Helen assumed she made a mistake or that it was a figment of her imagination. But tonight, she confirms it _was_ real. It did happen.

And it's happened again. The Commandant nearly sheds a tear.

* * *

><p>As the train roared its engine through the darkness towards Vienna, Helen found herself sitting across from the Commandant in the dining car. The row of glass flush mount lighting on the ceiling created a cozy ambiance. There were few other occupants in the dining car, murmuring over their late supper, busily clinking their silver utensils against the porcelain plates.<br>Sitting in close proximity to Amon was excruciatingly uncomfortable for Helen. The only time they breathed the same air was when she served him or when he beat her. Now here they were, sitting face to face, sharing a meal, as if this was part of their daily routine. Helen considered this new _civilized_ circumstance with her tormentor absolutely ludicrous. She wondered how the dynamic of their relationship would shift from now on. By her free will, Helen chose to be under Amon's custody. She anticipated how he would test his leverage on her life. Rape? Torture? Murder?

It didn't take long for Helen to find it out. Amon started questioning Helen about her family. She didn't feel comfortable sharing her personal life with the Commandant. Helen wanted to resist his access to her privet chambers of memories… she didn't want its innocence to be tainted by the very hands that destroyed it. But she didn't have much choice. She had to give in.

"My mother passed away when I was thirteen," Helen said without looking up from her plate.

Amon drew his eyebrows together but Helen failed to notice the change in his expression. She kept her head down to avoid eye contact. She focused on cutting the food before her and took small bites.

"That's unfortunate. The cause?"

"…Cancer."

"I see."

Amon lifted his glass and took a sip of red wine. Helen chewed slowly.

"It must have been difficult. Did you father remarry?"

"…No… he never did."

"So you became the mother figure?"

"…Yes."

Amon nodded. "You grew up quickly. It's no wonder you are good at taking care of me."

Helen nearly chocked on a piece of carrot. With great effort, she swallowed it down her throat. Did he consider beating her daily and coming close to sexually assaulting her equivalent to _taking care _of him? The endless possibilities of his twisted mind never failed to amaze Helen. Being a fast eater, Amon finished his meal before Helen. He wiped his mouth with the napkin and reached into his pocket for cigarettes. After a few puffs, he spoke in a low voice.

"I understand what you must feel. I haven't been with my mother since I was four years old."

The statement made Helen feel odd. The Commandant's efforts into find common ground with her was awkward and unpleasant at its best. It didn't make her feel any closer to him, nor did it develop any level of sympathy toward the inhuman creature sitting before her.

'_The unholy spawn of the devil_…' Helen thought.

She did start questioning the woman who gave birth to a demonic being.

'_A cruel woman herself perhaps …bad earth mixed with bad seed. That will explain a lot_.'

Helen waited for Amon to continue, but he stopped talking all together. When the silence continued, Helen nervously glanced up to see what Amon was doing. She saw him leaned back on the chair, gazing out the window and deeply consumed in his train of thought. A tinge of melancholy and longing filled his usually cold blue eyes. Helen swore she saw tears well up in his eyes. All this caught her off guard. Helen doesn't know how to react to the unexpected sight of the Commandant's grief. She dropped her eyes down and soon heard Amon sniff his nose, as if to drink in the tears.

She never forgot _that_ look.

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><p><em>*Hello everyone! I deeply appreciate your love and support of my little story "Hidden Lives." After finish writing Chapter 10 this week, I thought it might be a good time to get connected with the fans. I've decided to conduct a fun Q &amp; A session, so send me your questions via private messaging. The questions can range from the direction of the story, my person visionintention for each character or even questions about me, the author. I will post the final Q & A on Chapter 11. Thanks!*_


	11. Resistance movement

***Disclaimer: This story is based on the characters portrayed by Ralph Fiennes & Embeth Davidtz in the movie "Schindler's List" and is purely fiction. I do not support Nazi ideology. ***

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><p><strong>Chapter 11: <strong>**Resistance movement**

As the end of August approaches, Herr von X's family starts packing and prepares to return to Vienna. Keeping up with family traditions, they just spent the month of August at their summer villa located near Mödling. The estate includes a handsome two-century old villa painted in creamy yellow, surrounded by the enormous one hundred acres of forestland. The old baron has successfully managed to preserve this beautiful family estate throughout the war and under Nazi occupation. The only occupants this year were Herr von X, his wife and their five grandchildren. They decided to give their son and daughter-in-law a break from parenthood by babysitting the kids. The children's summer vacation is almost over and school will resume in a week. It's time to return to the capital.

The male servants load the endless line of luggage into the two automobiles. The young maid helps Frau von X upstairs as she tidies up the villa, preparing its closure for the winter season. The air is filled with the children's uncontrollable fit of laughter and giggles as they chase one another around the estate. Herr von X is in his library on the first floor of the villa, meeting with the local farmer named Peter, who is newly appointed as the villa's seasonal house and groundskeeper. On the surface, the purpose of their meeting is to go over what needs to be done during the family's absence. The two men sit facing each other and Peter absorbs everything the baron has to say. The entire household is so preoccupied with their own activities that no one pays attention to the details of the transaction between Herr von X and Peter. They even fail to notice them switching from German to English whenever an important topic comes up. Peter listens in as the baron instructs him how to access the "funds" without raising suspicion and other contacts the "group" can use for their causes. Peter assures Herr von X that his contribution will be put to good use. The old baron nods with a satisfactory smile on his face. At the end of their meeting, Herr von X slowly gets up from his seat and exchanges a handshake with Peter.

"God save Austria," the baron says, clasping his other hand on top of Peter's.

Peter gives him a firm squeeze of reassurance.

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><p>A week later, a rusty old truck drives up to the yellow villa around 10 p.m. Once it reaches the back of the building, the engine shuts off and the headlight dies. Three men dressed in common farmer's outfit climbs out of the car. They quietly walk towards the back door connected to the kitchen. A young man wearing a Newsboy cap flickers his cigarette lighter to locate the keyhole. He manages to unlock the door and the men hurry inside. An older man with reddish brown beard is the last to enter and locks the door behind him.<p>

The man wearing the Newsboy cap flickers his lighter again and leads the group pass the kitchen, into the hallway and towards the library. This is their first time entering the villa, but they maneuver without trouble. They have been well informed of the villa's floor plan beforehand. Soon the men enter the pitch black library with its velvet curtains blocking even the slightest hint of moonlight through the windows. The young man wearing the Newsboy cap steps forward and stands in front of the built-in bookcase that covers an entire wall. He kneels down and counts the third shelf from the bottom. Then he counts the books starting from the left to right. When he reaches the fifth book titled "_Man of Science_", he pulls it forward. A loud _click_ echoes throughout the library and a secret bookcase door slowly opens, shining light into the darkness. Behind the bookcase door is a secret room and the men sees Peter motioning them to quickly enter. The three men rushes inside and the bookcase door soon closes.

"Thank you gentleman for making it tonight," Peter says

The young man with the Newsboy cap tosses his hat on the table and ruffles his hair.

"Albert wasn't able to make it tonight. His mission got delayed."

"That's fine, Ernst. Thank you for informing us. Let's hope that he returns to us safely."

Their secret meeting place is a small-scaled brick wall room with an old iron chandelier hanging from the ceiling. The existence of this hidden room is only known to Herr von X and the information hasn't been handed down to his son yet. It's been a family tradition among the patriarchs to reveal this hideout to the next heir just before the estate is to be inherited. In recent days, the old baron has provided this special room to DALF (_Defense for Austria's Liberty and Freedom_) for their secret meetings. He is also providing them with a significant amount of funds.

A table stands in the middle of the room with papers, documents and maps on top of it. Eight members, including Peter, were able to attend tonight's meeting. It is group rule never to gather more than ten members at a time for security sake. There are more than fifty members working for the underground resistance group DALF and Peter himself is a second level leader who orchestrates meetings and collects researches from third level members. He will later report to the first level leaders of DALF in another disclosed location.

DALF began as the brainchild between three British educated Austrian aristocrats who strongly opposed the Nazi occupation of their homeland. In the past year the concept grew into a well-oiled underground organization funded by other fellow aristocrats, such as Herr von X, and has morphed into a terrorist group. As Nazi Germany gained victory and reestablished government power in Austria, DALF began planning assassination attempts on top ranking SS officers and Nazi collaborators. Recently, the group obtained detailed information on Hitler's deteriorating health and decided to shake the Nazi structure from the bottom up. Their focus is on fellow Austrians who became active Nazi members. DALF believes those traitors have contributed to the fall of Austria and into the hands of Germany, a crime against their own nation. Those must be eliminated before a bigger plan to overthrow the government can be worked out.

DALF's first move was to identify the 30 most important Austrian Nazis and conduct a full investigation on their background. In the beginning, the only information available was the target's name, occupation, education and their importance within the Nazi party. As the scale of the organization grew, DALF expanded their research by assigning third level members to each individual target, closely monitoring their daily activities for months. The observation will guide the member in deciding the best method of assassination. As most upper class Nazis in Austria are intertwined with one another, DALF also decided to track down each target's closest associates in order to create a new list of possible traitors to attack in the future.

"Well then… shall we begin the meeting?" Peter says scanning the room.

Ernst Frahm volunteers to be tonight's first presenter. Since July, Ernst has been conducting a full background research on Amon Goeth by digging up public records, establishing his daily routine and figuring out current associates. Ernst reaches into the inner pocket of his jacket and pulls out the same small note pad he carried around when following Goeth.

"Good evening gentleman. Tonight I will update you on the information I've obtained on my target, Amon Goeth. As you all know from our last meeting, Amon Goeth has returned to Vienna from his post as Commandant of Płaszów concentration camp around May of this year. He currently holds the rank of _Hauptsturmführer _and works as the _Senior Adviser of Polish Migration _in the Ministry of Internal Affairs. His excellent skill of being the chief adviser in handling the massive migration efforts in Austria will surely award him with a promotion this year. We need to take note of the rise of his importance... more reason for him to be assassinated."

"This time, I expanded my research and looked into Amon Goeth's immediate family. Goeth himself is currently unmarried and has no children. He comes from a wealthy Austrian publishing family that's been in business for over three generations. His father Felix Goeth doesn't seem to be a Nazi fanatic but manages to keep his business nicely up float in collaborating with the government. There was no public records on him that looked interesting to me, other than the fact that he divorced his first wife Edith Goeth thirty years ago. I wasn't able to find any current records of Edith Goeth, so I'm assuming she's left the country before the war. Felix has since remarried, has no other children and lives in Vienna."

Enrst turns a page, takes a deep breath and looks around the room.

"You are not going to believe what I found out about this family. Felix Goeth has a younger half-brother who became an outspoken activist against the rise of the Nazi movement in Austria more than a decade ago. Just before the situation became dangerous for him, he left Austria and moved to Great Britain. He eventually cut ties with his family back in Austria, not to mention the publishing fortune he was entitled to inherit. He's now a great columnist and author, writing articles criticizing fascist Nazi Germany. He's just published his third novel, _The_ _Berlin Affair_…"

"My God! _Hans Goeth_ is related to _that_ Nazi lunatic?" one member exclaims.

"I couldn't believe it myself when I made the connection. The Nazi government has strictly banned that book throughout Europe, but somehow people are willing to risk their lives to read it. It's still a best seller in Great Britain and the United States of America."

"Jesus Christ... how can such contradicting individuals come from the same bloodline?" another member says shaking his head.

"I was able to get hold of that book myself. I think Hans Goeth is a literary genius. But because of his abilities, the Nazis will want him dead… shut him up forever," Peter says.

"I found some record that showed Hans Goeth living in the same house with Amon Goeth until he turned ten years old. Hans Goeth didn't depart Austria and move to Britain until some years after that. You would think being in the presence of a great uncle such as Hans Goeth would have impacted a young boy in a positive way."

"He must have inherited the retarded part of the family," one member says chuckling.

"From what I gathered by my Polish informants, Amon Goeth was one nasty son-of-a-bitch back in Płaszów. He went beyond his limits as Commandant and butchered camp people on a whim. He also made numerous illegal dealings with local businessmen, gathering a significant amount of personal wealth. He's got the brains alright… but uses it in a completely different way."

"One evening I was following Amon Goeth and he had a slight confrontation with another SS officer. Later, I conducted a background research on that fellow and made an interesting connection. His name is Frederick Reder, fought in the Russian Campaign as _Gruppenkommandeur _of the air forces. He's completed his mission successfully and has returned to Austria this summer. He's currently taking a long leave of absence and his future position is yet to be determined. Reder's family has personal connections to Himmler, so on top of his accomplishments, I'm sure he'll rise to the top in lightening speed. We should add him to our list and dispatch someone on him soon."

"We will definitely do so," Peter replies.

"Records show that Reder and Goeth basically grew up together, starting with their early Nazi career by joining the Nazi Youth Group. Then I came across an interesting police record that involves both men. About ten years ago, the police were called to Goeth's apartment in Vienna when a neighbor reported hearing a gunshot around 6 a.m. What the officers found were two men badly beaten to a pulp and a terribly frightened young lady. The investigation concluded that Reder and Goeth exchanged a good old fashion fistfight and no one was hurt by the gunshot. That third person in the apartment was later identified as Ingrid Ludin. At the time she was registered to be living with Goeth. Her name sounded familiar, so I did some research on her and found out she's the daughter of Otto Ludin."

"Otto Ludin? Hitler's personal Austrian lawyer during the late 1920s?" Peter asks.

"Yes, she comes from a loyal Nazi family. She became a Nazi enthusiast herself, worked as her father's personal secretary and helped out Nazi efforts in Austria. No wonder she fell for a fellow Nazi devotee like Goeth. I was able to track down an old newspaper engagement announcement between Goeth and Ludin that dated six months before the gunshot incident. Something must have happened that day, because I later found a marriage certificate for Ludin and Reder, not Goeth. Doesn't matter which SS officer she ended up marrying… all of them should be going to hell anyway."

"Ludin continued to work for her father and even became a prominent female Nazi activist in Vienna. Then during the early 1940s, she suddenly disappeared from the public eye. The last record I found of her was a trip arrangement made to a Swiss sanatorium. Her current whereabouts is undetermined. Reder currently lives alone in Vienna, has no children and doesn't seem to be in touch with his wife. Otto Ludin died two years ago due to leukemia and I don't think Ingrid Ludin is an active Nazi member anymore. We can cross her and her father off from the list."

"Amon Goeth leads a low key life right now. He follows a pretty good daily routine, so it won't be hard to plan an attack on him in the near future. However, he doesn't live in the military housing district, so we must be careful not to hurt other civilians if we are to use explosives. I've recently discovered that he's got another occupant in his apartment, a young Polish woman named Lena Nowak. Through my Polish informants, I wasn't able to find anything interesting about her. She lives with Goeth, but I don't think she's a Nazi supporter or an active member."

"She's probably a Polish slut who followed a Nazi officer all the way from Płaszów. I've seen many foreign girls moving to Austria in the arms of the Nazi bastard they hooked up with," a member says.

A few men chuckles. Ernst clears his throat with an empty cough. He's glad the meeting room is dark enough to cover his blushes that rose with the name Lena Nowak_. _Peter gets up from his seat.

"I must remind you all of DALF's number one policy. Assassination attempts must be executed on the target alone and no one else, especially women and excluding children. However, we will consider anyone working or living with a Nazi as a collaborator. If the situation isn't in our favor, members are allowed to terminate collaborators as well," Peter says.

"The best method to use against Goeth is to plant a time bomb on his automobile. I'm aiming for the right moment when he's driving alone and far from the public. I've been experimenting with Roman on a few explosive devices and figuring out ways to get close to his car," Ernst says.

"Great, continue with your mission and don't rush into anything just yet. I'll be in meeting with the level one leaders next month and will determine dates of execution. Well done Ernst," says Peter with a grin on this face.

"Alright then, who is next to present?"

* * *

><p><strong>Q &amp; A with fans<strong> (Thank you everyone for your participation!)

**Q: What motivated you to write the story _Hidden Lives_?**  
><strong>A:<strong> When I first saw the movie _Schindler's List,_ I immediately fell in love with the characters portrayed by Ralph Fiennes and Embeth Davidtz. In my opinion, Ralph Fiennes did an amazing job of creating _Amon Goeth_ into a three dimensional character, who harbors brutality along with sensitivity. I wanted to provide their twisted relationship a chance to blossom into something more in-depth by writing a fictional adaptation of what could have been. In _Hidden Lives_, I'll do my best to present the root of Amon's viciousness and the possible reason behind his obsession over Helen. My challenge for Helen is to transform her into a stronger character, preserving her dignity while forming an intimate relationship with Amon. I'll be mixing historical facts, fiction and a bit of psychoanalysis in hopes of creating an interesting piece of fanfic writing.

**Q: Are you a writer?  
><strong>**A:** No, I'm not a professional writer. I am actually a visual artist, currently working in the film industry. At times I sense my writing style is closer to a screenplay rather than a novel. Typing out the visual sceneries floating in my head hasn't been easy, but I consider this a fun challenge.

**Q: Your story starts with Helen's suicide attempt. Was there a reason behind it?  
>A: <strong>Yes, it was a conscious decision to put Helen through such experience. As we all know, Helen suffered and endured endless brutality under Amon while living in Płaszów. My goal was to shift the dynamic between the two by allowing Helen to gain authority over her own mortality, possibly providing her fearlessness over the concept of death. I also wanted to spook Amon off his pants, by realizing Helen has the power to choose between life and death.

**Q: How will Amon and Helen's relationship develop in _Hidden Lives_?  
>A<strong>: My ultimate goal is to create an emotional and spiritual connection between Amon and Helen. However, the developmental process of their intimacy will take some time, since I need to deconstruct the preconceived ideas they have of one another. It will be a gradual and slow seduction. Stay tuned!

**Q: Is it possible for Helen to develop feelings towards Amon?**  
><strong>A:<strong> When I started writing _Hidden Lives_, I considered Amon as a damaged individual. Drawing from my limited knowledge of psychoanalysis, I've imagined his personality being influenced by childhood trauma and early adulthood experiences. Like the rest of us, Helen will soon discover the depth of this complicated man. She will be deeply conflicted and confused over the transition of her emotions.

**Q: How many chapters are you planning to write?  
><strong>**A:** As of today I'm planning to write up to Chapter 30. But I may continue to write as long as my schedule allows me to do so and if the characters keep evolving in an interesting direction.

**Q: How will _Hidden Lives_ end?  
><strong>**A: **I honestly don't have a clue! I'll have to wait and see, just like everyone else.


	12. The invitation

***Disclaimer: This story is based on the characters portrayed by Ralph Fiennes & Embeth Davidtz in the movie "Schindler's List" and is purely fiction. I do not support Nazi ideology. ***

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 12: The Invitation <strong>

Helen kneels in front of the marble fireplace in the drawing room, ready to build a fire. The temperature has significantly dropped in the past 3 days and a chill runs throughout the apartment. Helen remembers the vegetable stall merchant telling her how unusual this weather was for Vienna in early October. Helen decides its best to warm the place up before hearing the Commandant's complaints. After piling up a few logs, Helen lights up a crumpled up newspaper and quickly places it in between the woods. Within seconds, tiny blue flames consume the logs and shortly the fireplace glows with warm light. Helen smiles in satisfaction. She gets up, brushes her skirt and walks towards the kitchen to prepare for dinner.

Just then, Helen hears the telephone in Amon's office ring. She rushes into the room and instinctively reaches out to pick up the phone, placed on his desk. But an unexplainable hesitation inside Helen's heart pulls her back and her hand freezes in midair.

'_Who can be calling here at this hour?_'

Not many people shares the knowledge of the apartment's phone number and Amon kept his personal contacts via his work phone. Helen glances at the clock and sees it's nearly 5 p.m. There is the possibility of the Commandant calling her from work, ordering something to be done before he returns home. It happened before back in Płaszów. Helen carefully picks up the receiver and puts it close to her ear.

"Hello?"

"Hello? Is this the residence of Leo…I mean Amon Goeth?" a woman asks on the other end of the line.

"Yes it is," Helen replies quietly.

"Excellent, thank goodness I found the right number. May I speak to Amon please?"

"Herr Goeth isn't home right now. He will be back later this evening. May I take a message?"

"Oh, I see. Then may I speak to the lady of the household?"

"…There is no lady of the household," Helen answers honestly.

"Then who am I speaking to right now?" the woman questions sharply.

Taken aback by the caller's brashness, Helen's mind goes blank. She herself has repeatedly questioned the concept of her new "identity" since agreeing to come to Vienna with the Commandant. To the outside world, the Polish Jew named Helen Hirsch has died long ago. Who was she now? Can she truly leave the past behind and transform herself in this Nazi infested country? Helen's mind snaps back into reality when she hears a soft laugh on the other side of the phone.

"Oh my, I beg your pardon. I didn't mean to be intrusive of my stepson's personal life. Please accept my apologies," the caller says politely.

"Allow me to introduce myself properly. My name is Liesl Goeth and I'm Amon's stepmother. With whom do I have the pleasure of speaking?"

"My name is Hel… Lena Nowak, Frau Goeth," Helen answers. She still finds her new alias very foreign.

"It's nice to speak to you… _Fräulein? _Should I be addressing you as Fräulein Nowak?"

"Fräulein Nowak is fine," Helen replies.

"Will you let Amon know that I tried reaching him today? Our phone number hasn't changed and I will be waiting for his call."

"I will deliver your message, Frau Goeth."

"Thank you Fräulein Nowak. It was a pleasure speaking to you."

Frau Goeth hangs up.

* * *

><p>As Helen chops the potatoes to be added into the chicken roast, she replays the conversation with Frau Goeth in her head. Helen regrets not acting quicker and identifying herself as the maid. She wonders who Frau Goeth thought she was. Will Frau Goeth question her identity to the Commandant? If she does, he will not be pleased about it. Helen hopes this doesn't lead to trouble.<br>It also hasn't struck Helen until tonight that she never witnessed any trace of the Commandant's family while working for him for nearly two years. Back in Płaszów there were no family pictures, phone calls, birthday or holiday cards sent from Austria. The situation hasn't change after moving back to his homeland. Until the Commandant made the brief comment regarding his absent mother, Helen always considered him a man who had no connection to this world. She wonders if viciousness is a Goeth family trait. Helen shudders at the thought.

Suddenly she hears the lock of the front door click open, followed by the sound the Commandant's heavy boots entering the apartment. Helen wipes her hand on her apron and hurries out the kitchen. During the brief walk, Helen realizes that she must inform the Commandant of Frau Goeth's phone call. _Will he be angry or happy about it?_ She hopes for the best. When Helen reaches him, as usual, Amon dumps his daily belongings into her stretched out arms. As he turns towards the direction of his room, Helen stops him with her almost whispering voice.

"… I have a message from Frau Liesl Goeth."

Helen keeps her head down to avoid eye contact and she is able to see the Commandant's boots frozen on the spot.

"What did you say?" Amon asks in a low tone.

The question heightens Helen's nervousness and she swallows hard.

"…Frau Liesl Goeth. She called around 5 p.m.… she… she asked to call her back. Her phone number hasn't changed," Helen says with a slight tremor in her voice.

An eerie silence lingers in the air. Helen awaits the Commandant's reaction in near terror. Soon she hears Amon take a deep breath and exhale like a man suffering from exhaustion. Helen sees the Commandant's black leather boots move and walking away from her. She doesn't dare to look up until she hears him march towards his office and slam the door close. Helen lets out a sigh of relief.

* * *

><p>After dinner, Helen enters the empty dining room. Approaching the table, she sees that the Commandant barely touched his dinner. Helen's first inkling is to be nervous and assume that perhaps tonight's chicken roast didn't satisfy him. But if that was the case, the Commandant would have called for her immediately and something would have been flying across the room by now.<p>

'_He must have really lost his appetite…._' Helen concludes, calming her nerves.

Helen collects everything on the table, walks into the kitchen and places them into the sink. Just as she turns on the faucet, Helen smells a cigarette burning near by. It's too close to be coming all the way from the drawing room. She turns around to find the Commandant leaning against the kitchen door, smoking a cigarette. This is the first time he has entered the kitchen and the sight of him makes Helen jump.

"I want to speak to you for a minute. Come see me when you're ready," Amon says and walks away.

Helen quickly closes the faucet. A million thoughts run through her head.

'_Have I done something wrong? Did I say the wrong thing to Frau Goeth? Did I mess up dinner?'_

Helen grabs the edge of the sink and closes her eyes. She feels her heart beat in panic and she tries to calm herself down. Something is up but the situation is unavoidable. If it is meant to happen, Helen doesn't want to show the Commandant she wasn't afraid of him. _Pull yourself together!_ Helen breathes in deep and straightens herself. Slowly she takes off her apron and rolls down her sleeve. When she felt she was ready, Helen heads towards the drawing room.

She finds the Commandant sitting in his usual armchair placed in front of the fireplace, staring at the fire while quietly smoking. A glass of liquor sits on the coffee table. As she approaches, he turns and gestures to sit down. Helen sits on the armchair across from him and bows her head down. She feels uneasiness circulating her body. Since their supper in the train ride, they never sat down together face to face. Helen always expects the worst-case scenario when interacting with the Commandant, such as physical altercation… at the very least, endless verbal abuse. But tonight, Amon surprises Helen with the most unexpected order.

"We have been invited to a brunch with my parents this Saturday."

Stunned, Helen lifts her head. _We? _Why would anyone think of ever inviting _her_?

Amon continues to watch the logs being engulfed by the yellow flame. Judging by the seriousness of his face, Helen realizes this is no joke. The Commandant doesn't seem thrilled about visiting his parents either.

"You made quite an impression on Liesl. She strongly suggested that you join the brunch gathering and I agreed," Amon says dryly, followed by a long drag of his cigarette.

"We will have to leave early, say around 10 a.m. I want you to prepare well. Don't forget to address me as _Herr Goeth_ and that your name is _Leah Nowak_. Just shut up and try not to talk. But I do insist you start studying German extensively and improve that bloody Polish accent of yours… it's fucking irritating."

Amon stubs his cigarette on the ashtray next to him and turns his head towards Helen. She quickly drops her head before their eyes meet. Amon leans back and buries himself deeply into his chair, letting out a huge sigh.

"Can I trust in you Helen?"

Helen wonders what the question means. Did the Commandant ever trust in anyone who isn't a Nazi, Aryan or German?

"In my opinion, all women are lying cunts. You all have an agenda up your sleeves, especially when approaching men. I learned early on to keep my distance… never trust a creature that has the capability of bewitching a man's mind."

"You seemed to have done well when speaking to Liesl earlier, but I hope you keep up your smartness on Saturday. Like a good woman, stay quiet and stand within the shadows."

Helen remains silent in her seat. Amon dismisses her for the night and she hastily returns to the kitchen. She rolls up her sleeves before the porcelain sink filled with hot soapy water with plates and utensils floating around. But Helen can't concentrate.  
>She holds the edge of the sink, leans forward and tries to make sense of what just happened in the drawing room. By far, this is the creepiest thing he's done. Why would the Commandant take the risk and bring <em>her<em> to a family gathering? Perhaps he truly didn't have a choice…it was based on his stepmother's request. If she didn't attend, it may produce unnecessary questions. The mere thought of being surrounded by a family of monsters is enough to make Helen sick to the stomach. She grabs the sponge and starts scrubbing the surface of the dishes as hard as she can.


	13. Felix Goeth 1

***Disclaimer: This story is based on the characters portrayed by Ralph Finnes & Embeth Davidtz in the movie "Schindler's List" and is purely fiction. I do not support Nazi ideology. ***

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 13: Felix Goeth 1<strong>

Amon lathers up the shaving cream and creates a white foam beard around his face. Once the lower part of his face is fully covered, he then picks up the straight razor and makes the closest cut possible. Amon carefully moves the razor around, making sure he doesn't miss a spot. His ultimate goal is to look immaculate today… achieving perfection if possible. His father will be observing him like a hawk, ready to pounce on the first opportunity to criticize his son's flaws. Amon feels his body stiffen at the thought.

Felix was a domineering man who ruled his household with an iron fist. In the absence of his mother, young Amon had to endure the cruelty of his father alone. In comparison to his monstrous father, the child regarded his deceased mother as a saint. During painful moments, Amon prayed that his angel mother send him a protective shield against his father. She was his saving grace.

Young Amon also had Uncle Hans to rely on for the affection and support that his father refused to provide him. Amon still cherishes the brief two years when Uncle Hans came to live with them in Vienna. He was the only person who understood young Amon's vulnerability and sensitivity. Unlike his father, Uncle Hans spent quality time with the boy such as taking him to museums and fishing trips. He was also good at calming Felix down before his anger escalated and ended up hurting the child. Amon worshiped his uncle and the two became best friends.  
>But the happiness was short lived. One day the ten year old accidentally overheard a heated row between Felix and Hans while standing behind a slightly opened door. Without the knowledge of the child being present in the house, the two men argued out loud and young Amon found out the true nature of his mother's absence. She wasn't dead…she actually ran away with another man. It was equally shocking to discover Uncle Hans' contribution to her escape.<p>

"Yes, I did help Edith! You're so good at killing people Felix. Slowly drying out their souls and eventually crumbling them into dust. Edith was in love and had a chance of happiness. With you, she would have surely died!" Uncle Hans yelled.

The same day, Uncle Hans was ordered to leave Felix's house for good. Sadistically, Amon was locked in his bedroom and wasn't given the chance to say good-bye to his beloved uncle. Despite being threatened by Felix that he'll get whipped mercilessly, young Amon protested by continuously kicking his bedroom door while screaming for Hans. He later cried until he passed out.

Amon puts the razor down, turns the faucet and washes his face with warm water. He then reaches for the towel and dries up. As he inspects his job in the mirror, Amon carefully examines his features. He wonders how much he resembles his mother. It was a long heart breaking task for young Amon to admit that the mother he considered the holy Virgin Mary was actually the shameful Jezebel. It pained him to comprehend that his mother was capable of abandoning her only child, while being fully aware of leaving him in the hands of her malicious husband… all for the sake of her own happiness. No wonder Felix always stared at him with resentment and anger. Was Amon's face a constant reminder of his mother's scandalous departure from the family? Did the mere sight of his existence disgust his father?  
>Amon turns his face from side to side. He sees nothing. She's nowhere to be found. Amon opens the cabinet behind the mirror and reaches for the aftershave lotion.<p>

* * *

><p>In a few minutes, Amon comes out of the bathroom and walks towards his bed. Laid out on the bed is his formal black SS uniform, which is reserved for special occasions. He always feels a sense of pride when wearing this Nazi uniform. He's achieved a great deal since he left Vienna, successfully performing his duties in Poland and awarded the promotion of <em>Sturmbannführer <em>earlier this month. Now, Amon feels he can face his father with less apprehension.  
>From the beginning, Felix Goeth wasn't pleased with his son's career choice, considering such occupation "not intellectually challenging enough." Felix prided himself as a cultured man who viewed Amon's career as a soldier a class beneath him. His father had high hopes on his only son and his personal ambition was to discover literary geniusness in Amon. Though he hid his feelings well, Felix was always competitive with his half younger brother and was jealous of Hans' gift as a writer. His personal frustrations were escalated with the rise of Hans' success along with the disappointment in discovering Amon's lack of talent. As time went on, the resentment between father and son reached a level of despair.<p>

When Amon joined the Nazi party at age seventeen, he felt he found the answer to the parental love and approval he was deprived of. The Nazi Party became the one constant relationship in his entire life. While the people Amon gave his heart out to, ended up betraying him, his job never turned his back on him. The Nazi Party nurtured him well. They encouraged and applauded his use of violence when carrying out his duties. They even awarded him handsomely with wealth and status.  
>Amon returned the affection by being a loyal Nazi officer, fully adapting the belief system of Nazism and followed their orders without question. All enemies must be crushed and destroyed for the survival of Fascist Germany. He was a proud Nazi soldier. He never thought of betraying the Nazi Party… that is, until Helen came along.<p>

Amon stops buttoning his shirt. His decision to keep Helen is clearly treason. Yet Amon can't bare the thought of losing her. He justifies in his mind that Helen was _his_ property, like a piece furniture he brought with him from Poland. End of question.

'_She's mine._'

While putting on his cufflinks, Amon thinks about Helen and today's brunch. His first reaction was to turn down the invitation, not to mention including Helen in the mix. It did surprise him when Liesl invited Helen to join the family brunch. As usual she never questioned Amon's private life in depth, due to the lack of authority as his stepmother. Liesl's focus was more on persuading him to come and meet his father. Amon considers Liesl a good woman and appreciates her efforts, but at times her naivety annoys him. Towards the end, Amon knew a confrontation was unavoidable and agreed to meet. But he opposed to Liesl's original idea of a grand dinner and suggested a light weekend brunch that can end quicker. They also agreed to meet on neutral territory, his father's favorite restaurant for brunch located in the heart of the city.

Amon has other motives to include Helen. His main reason is almost childish… he doesn't want to face Felix Goeth alone. Amon can't bare to be in the same room with his father and be sliced into pieces by him. In the company of others, his father is able to present himself as the most charming and sophisticated gentleman of all Vienna. If by using Helen can soften the blow, Amon will accept the gamble. She will be a good distraction for a couple of hours.

Deep inside his heart, Amon has always been quite proud of Helen. It wasn't hard for a hot-blooded male like himself not to be arrogant in owning a pretty young thing such as Helen. It is also time for her to be seriously tested and Amon will observe her coping skills. Felix will be the most critical stranger she will ever encounter in Vienna. If she passes, Helen will survive any situation.

Amon stands in front of the full length mirror and puts on his uniform jacket. He realizes that Ingrid was the last woman he has ever brought home to his parents. Amon still remembers the immense pride he felt as he stood next to Ingrid, a model Aryan woman from a famous Nazi family, as she shook hands with his father. Ingrid and Felix's communication was similar to a well-played tennis match. She wasn't afraid of his verbal challenges and hit him right back. Amon secretly enjoyed watching Felix's displeasure etched on his face. That night, Amon and Ingrid enjoyed hours of rough sex all around their apartment. The future seemed full of hope.

Amon shakes his head. Another betrayal… and another disappointment. Above all those who hurt him, Ingrid was the worst. She alone iced his heart as cold as the Russian winter season. Amon bites his lower lips. It best to erase certain memories for good. He must focus on today's task.  
>Amon picks up his black leather coat from the chair and slips in his arms. After fastening his coat belt, he picks up his Nazi cap and walks out of the bedroom.<p> 


	14. Felix Goeth 2

***Happy holidays everyone! I've been working feverishly in order to publish Chapter 14 by Christmas. This is my holiday gift to all my wonderful fans out there. Thank you so much for your love and support! **

***Disclaimer: This story is based on the characters portrayed by Ralph Finnes & Embeth Davidtz in the movie "Schindler's List" and is purely fiction. I do not support Nazi ideology. ***

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 14: Felix Goeth 2<strong>

The first significant feature that Helen notices about Felix Goeth is his height. He towers over the Commandant by a head. At first glance, Helen can't determine any similarity between father and son. She assumes it's due to Felix's slim body frame, mustache and spectacles. He has the appearance of a scholar. Helen briefly examines Felix's hand during their handshake and recognizes the long elegant fingers identical to the Commandant's. When she is close to him, Helen sees Felix's icy blue eyes. They are unbelievably sharp for a man in his sixties.

"It's a pleasure to have you joining us today, Fräulein Nowak," Felix Goeth says affectionately.

Helen smiles shyly and nods. She then exchanges a gentle handshake with Liesl Goeth, a charming middle-aged German lady with a great taste in fashion, clearly visible from head to toe. Both husband and wife exude refinement. They are genteel Austrian bourgeoisie with a hint of intelligentsia.

Felix has reserved a small private room for today's brunch. Standing in front of the square shaped table, Felix suggests that Helen sits left to him, while placing Amon to his right. Liesl takes the seat across from her husband. As they settle in, an elderly waiter enters the room and serves everyone with tea or coffee, depending on his or her preference. After writing down everyone's order, he leaves the room.

"Leopold, you've grown fat. Your health is in poor condition," Felix remarks.

"Yes, I'm aware of that father," Amon replies politely.

"Everything in life is a matter of control and moderation. I would have expected you to have mastered such qualities by now," Felix says.

Amon says nothing back and quietly sips his coffee. Liesl tries to smooth out the atmosphere.

"I'm sure Leopold's enormous responsibilities has resulted in him not taking better care of his health. How is your new position, Leopold? Do you like being back home?"

"I do. But I must admit, sometimes I miss Poland."

Helen wonders what he misses about Poland. The camp? The shootings? The sexual escapades?

"Remember Leopold, you're back in the city where you actions are monitored by society. Don't let foolish judgments ruin your reputation. This isn't Płaszów anymore," Felix says solemnly.

"Yes, father," Amon says.

"Your behavioral track record hasn't been the greatest. Now that you are in your thirties, I expect you to start acting like an adult for a change. Is that understood?"

Helen glances at the Commandant and sees him nodding. She has never seen the Commandant being unquestionably obedient to anyone. He accepts his father treating him like an adolescent schoolboy. Helen finds their interaction amusing.

"We heard of your promotion to _Sturmbannführer. _Congratulations dear. It's quite an accomplishment," Liesl says.

Before Amon can respond, Felix sneers aloud.

"It's a soldier's life, simply to follow orders without thinking. What's challenging about that?"

"It's great that Leopold is taking part of building a great Fascist empire. If it wasn't for our Nazi army, we could have had the Communists walking down the streets of Vienna by now," Liesl says.

_The great empire built on blood…_ Helen thinks to herself. _I'm supposed to be dead too…but how did I end up here? _Helen's head starts to hurt as her reality becomes confusing again. Here she sits among Nazis, wearing the cloak of deception and pretending to be someone else. As Helen reaches for her teacup, she notices her fingers shaking. She manages to drink without making a mess_._

"Forgive an old man's curiosity but may I ask how old you are, Fräulein Nowak?" Felix suddenly asks, turning his body towards Helen.

Helen lifts her head and finds Felix's penetrating blue eyes staring back at her. Despite Felix's courteousness, something about his demeanor frightens Helen. Father and son _do_ have a lot in common.

"Nineteen, sir," Helen answers.

"So young! Leopold, she's barely out of childhood," Liesl exclaims.

"Oh Fräulein Nowak, what on earth do you see in my son? I doubt he's worthy of any young girl abandoning her youth for," Felix chuckles.

Helen wonders who Felix is insulting, the Commandant or her.

"She's so far from home. Leopold, make sure her needs are taken care of at all times." Liesl says with motherly concern.

Felix leans forward towards Helen with a mischievous grin on his face.

"Do you like to read?"

Helen is taken aback by the question.

"…Yes."

"Have you read _Tolstoy_?"

"I have."

"Which of his novel did you enjoy the most?"

"…_Resurrection_, sir…" Helen answers honestly.

"Ah, interesting choice. Not the usual _War and Peace_ or _Anna Karenina_. _Resurrection _is not an easy read. You are an unusual young lady," Felix says.

Hearing the word "unusual" causes a ripple of nervousness pass across Helen's body.

"May I ask what interested you in the novel?"

Helen tries to recall why the novel captivated her. She first read Tolstoy's_ Resurrection _when she was fourteen years old. Helen knew she was too young to fully comprehend the context of the novel, but the book still fascinated her and she finished it within weeks.

"A man's attempt in redemption, sir."

"Ah… then do you think _Nekhlyudov_ is to blame for _Maslova_'s downfall?"

_A relationship between a man and his servant girl_… Helen grasps the irony that parallels between the novel and her current situation. _Will the Commandant be the source of my downfall?_

"I believe, she made certain choices that contributed to her life's misfortunes," she finally answers.

"Indeed, everyone has to take responsibilities of their choices," Felix says with a nod.

"In your opinion, do you think _Nekhlyudov_ chased _Maslova_ all the way to Siberia because he loved her or due to his own guilt? A man risking everything for a girl who is considered a criminal… what's in it for him?"

Helen shifts in her seat, feeling extremely uncomfortable. Felix Goeth is persistent and he will not let her off the hook until he gets what he wants.

"…I think _Nekhlyudov_ wanted a second chance."

"For redemption or love?"

"Both, sir," Helen answers.

Felix laughs softly and turns to his son.

"Leopold, where did you find this astonishing teenager? She's far intellectual compare to you."

Just then, the waiter walks in, pushing the serving cart before him. The rich smell of pastries, cooked eggs and sausages fills the room. After placing everyone's plate on the table, the waiter bows and leaves.

"I think we should say grace. Fräulein Nowak, will you do the honor of leading the prayer?" Felix asks.

Helen's eyes grow big in panic. She has no knowledge of the Catholic prayers. Amon is also alarmed at his father's unexpected request. He decides its time to step in.

"Lena is quite a shy girl. Allow me," Amon says and immediately starts reciting a mealtime prayer.

While the others join in, Felix keeps his inquiring eyes open and carefully observes the young couple. Soon the prayer ends with everyone saying _Amen_.

"I hope you enjoy your dish, Fräulein Nowak. This is my favorite brunch spot in the city and you won't be disappointed." Felix says with a grin.

"Thank you," Helen replies.

"You see, I named my son after Tolstoy and he's still a literary idiot. I'm guessing your latest reads are cheap romance or detective stories?" Felix asks his son.

Helen sees the Commandant taking his time chewing on a white toast. His face is grim with displeasure, but he remains reserved. Helen can't believe that the Commandant lets his father continuously insult him. The man she knows would have exploded beyond control by now, transforming into a fury unbound. She also finds Felix to be a merciless bully. _Why would a father treat his child like this_?

"I have been hearing about an interesting new novel," Amon finally says, pouring another cup of coffee.

"Oh? What is the book about?" Liesl asks.

"I have yet to get hold of it. It's actually forbidden by the government and the Nazi censorship will not permit its release in Austria. But I hear it's a best seller elsewhere, especially in America and Britain."

"And why would you be so interested in a book that your _master_ has forbidden you to read?" Felix asks.

"Because it's written by Uncle Hans," Amon answers.

Helen hears Felix drop his fork against the plate. She looks up to see Felix staring at his son, while the Commandant ignores him and focuses solely on cutting his sausage into little pieces.

"Leopold, are you sure it is…" Liesl says.

"Yes, Uncle Hans has written an epic novel titled _The Berlin Affair_. Rumor has it that Germany is aggressively lobbying with the Swedish Academy to stop it from getting nominated for the Nobel Prize. Uncle Hans truly _is_ a genius, don't you think so?" Amon says with a smirk on his face.

Helen wonders who this Uncle Hans is. _He must have incredible power, enough to leave Felix speechless._ After a while, Felix casually picks up his teacup and takes a quick sip.

"Leopold… the faithful best friend. How childish of you." Felix says in a mocking tone.

"That _best friend_ of yours is the very person who is insulting your government. Are you willing to be a traitor and give sympathy to the enemy?" Felix asks.

"If he had stayed with us in Vienna, he wouldn't have become the way he is now," Amon shoots back.

Felix roars in laughter and shakes his head.

"You naïve buffoon, that's what makes you the dim wit you are. You can never admit that your beloved uncle has become an anti-Nazi activist, can you?"

"Maybe it's possible to congratulate Uncle Hans as a family. Granted, he _is_ the enemy of the state. But we shouldn't judge him based on our _personal_ experiences, should we?" Amon asks.

"Personal experiences? What about it? I have nothing against my brother," Felix says calmly.

"I'm talking about Uncle Hans helping mother leave," Amon blurts out.

Felix slams his teacup down on its saucer, causing both Liesl and Helen to jump. The air in the room instantly becomes frigid. 

"What… what did you just say?" Felix asks with a tremor in his voice.

"What great accomplishments have you achieved father, other than driving your wife away and losing out to your younger half-brother…"

Felix suddenly bolts out of his chair and slaps Amon's face in full force. The hit is so hard it nearly throws Amon off his seat. Luckily, he grabs the edge of the table just in time and keeps his balance. Helen gasps and Liesl screams.

"You little imbecile! You dare to talk to your father that way? Who do you think you are!"

Felix stands before his son, his tall body trembling in rage. His hands are coiled into fists. Helen and Liesl watches Felix and Amon in mute horror and disbelief. Helen holds her breath. The unthinkable has happened. _Another human being is able to attack_ _Amon Goeth… the monster of Płaszów! _Is Felix Goeth a monster himself?  
><em><br>_All eyes turn to Amon as he straightens himself in his chair. He doesn't utter a word and stare into space. Helen presumes that the Commandant is trying hard to contain himself from exploding. His chest rises high and falls low. Yet he doesn't challenge his father. Soon a red scar rises on Amon's left cheek and blood starts dripping. Felix's ring must have caught Amon's flesh when he struck his son. Both women gasps at the sight.

"Nothing but a meat headed pulp… that's what you are and always will be," Felix mumbles.

He then picks up his coat from his chair and turns to Helen.

"My apologies Fräulein Nowak, but my wife and I should leave now. _Liesl!_"

Felix promptly marches out of the room. As soon as the door closes, Liesl and Helen rushes to Amon's side. The bleeding is getting worst. Liesl kneels in front of Amon and daps a napkin onto his cheek. Blood spreads on the napkin, creating red blotches. Despite the fuss, Amon remains paralyzed in his seat. Helen stands behind Liesl, still in the state of shock.

"Good lord, Leopold, why do you do this all the time? You know how your father is!"

Amon doesn't respond. Liesl sighs and rises from her position. She turns to Helen with an embarrassed look on her face. Helen feels equally awkward.

"Forgive my husband, he… has a bit of a temper. This is not something he would normally do in front of guests. I… I must leave with my husband now. Please understand."

"Of course, Frau Goeth," Helen replies softly.

Liesl tries to say farewell to Amon, but his tense body ignores her touch. She sighs and hastily leaves to catch up with her husband. With the closing of the door, the room becomes quiet.

Helen stands in front of the Commandant, not knowing what to do next. She shouldn't have been allowed to witness the Goeth family's dirty laundry in display. Despite its pristine exterior, to Helen, the Goeth family is quite dysfunctional. The most formidable experience was discovering Felix Goeth's dual personality. Helen now understands where the Commandant must have inherited his ruthlessness. Felix's withering remarks and demonic attitude towards his son is truly abusive. _This is one mad family. _Helen wonders if the Commandant regrets bringing her here today.  
>Just then, a sea of blood rises around the cut and blood trickles down the Commandant's cheek. It travels under his chin and makes its way down the neck. In an instant, the blood starts staining the collar of his SS uniform.<p>

Helen instinctively pulls out a handkerchief from her skirt pocket and reaches over to clean the wound. As her hand comes closer to his face, Amon suddenly snatches her wrist and squeezes it tight. Helen nearly screams out in pain. Her handkerchief falls out of her hand and lands on the floor. Helen thinks her bones might break from the force of the Commandant's grip. Amon pushes his chair back and rises from his seat.

'_My God…he's going to beat me!_'

Helen quickly lowers her head. _Of course, it's always been this way_. _Isn't this why he dragged me all the way to Austria in the first place?_ Helen holds her breath and prepares for what is to come. She's certain she will be the outlet to the Commandant's anger and humiliation_. _Helen winces and counts the milliseconds to the moment of physical pain impacting her body.

Suddenly, Helen feels the pressure around her wrist disappear and her arm falls to the side. Bewildered by the move, Helen carefully opens her eyes and lifts her head. Simultaneously, the Commandant steps forward and embraces Helen in his arms. Helen's eyes grow wide as she finds her face pressed against the Commandant's chest. The unexpected physical closeness shocks her to the core.

_'What is the meaning of all this?'_

Helen can't think straight. She can't make sense of what is going on. The Commandant starts to clench her harder and he compresses Helen's body closer to his. Helen feels light-headed and can barely breathe. Its as if his hold has cut her body's blood circulation. If this continues, she might faint. Helen decides to give the Commandant a sign of some kind to let her go, before she passes out completely. She makes a few fake coughs. Helen hopes it will wake the Commandant up from whatever spell he's under. It seems to have worked. Helen soon feels the Commandant's hold on her loosen a bit and she breathes in deep.

After what seems like an eternity, the Commandant releases Helen and pulls himself away from her. Helen is able to observe the Commandant's face close up and is astonished to see someone unrecognizable. He is a man submerged in misery. _That _look as reappeared again and this time Helen distinctly sees his blue eyes brimming with tears. With all the false display of bravado stripped away from him, Amon Goeth is a lost boy. Helen finally realizes why he held her.  
>The sight of the Commandant brings forth a reaction Helen never anticipated in herself. Their rapport causes her heartstrings to be tugged. Helen has the sudden urge to reach out to the Commandant...and comfort him.<p>

'_Inconceivable!_' she screams inside her head.

Immediately, Helen recoils her emotions and snaps out of her thoughts. _Empathy for a murderer?_ Her reality is becoming more perplexing than before. The room starts to spin and Helen leans against the table.

"It's time for us to leave," Amon finally says.

As Helen stands in a daze, the Commandant pats her shoulder like a proud schoolmaster. He forces a faint smile, as if to show that he's fine. Helen doesn't believe it.

"You did a good job today, Helen. Well done."

Amon kneels down and picks up Helen's handkerchief from the floor.

"No need to ruin yours," he says, handing it over to her.

Helen takes it and holds on to it. Amon reaches into his trouser pocket and pulls out his own handkerchief. He tries his best to clean his wound without the aid of a mirror. The blood flow hasn't stopped but it did slow down. His handkerchief soaks in blood and Amon groans at the sight. Despite his best efforts, vague traces of red smudges remain visible on his cheek.

"Get your things, Helen," he orders her.

Helen nods and quickly walks over to her chair to collect her belongings. While she puts on her coat, she watches the Commandant across the table. His movement is sluggish, unlike the swift soldier Helen is used to seeing. Amon takes his time putting on his black leather coat. Soon the two walks out of the room.


End file.
